Alas! Evening Lurks

Art

2012-02-08T11:21:00.001-06:00

Lily walks up to me holding a crayon.

Lily: "I need a paper towel. For the wall. For the crayon."

Me: (slightly alarmed) "Did you color on the wall?"

Lily: "I make a circle. On the wall."

Me: "Lily, you never color on the wall! Only on paper."

Lily: "It's for the paper. It's a circle."

Me: "Where did you draw on the wall? Can you show me?"

Lily: "Okay!"

She shows me her art right next to the front door, highlighting its circle-ness. I explain again that she is not to use crayon on the walls.

Lily: "Only paper! I make a sun, I make a circle on the paper."

It seems my house is not safe. Good thing the walls are in bad shape anyway and are slated for new paint sometime this year. And I suppose I can be glad she originally came to find me in order to clean up her mess.

Kids. Amirite?

I Do Like Breastfeeding

2012-02-07T15:39:00.001-06:00

I'm holding little six-week-old Walter as he comes to the end of his three-hour nap. He doesn't wake up and start crying. No, he gradually starts to wiggle. He opens his mouth wide, eyes still closed, and starts shaking his head side to side. He wiggles some more and starts pecking. I shift his position and his eyes open; he looks surprised but calm. As his hands rapidly move up and down, he seems to realize that he's hungry. And then he's settled and feeding before his tummy ever growls.

I believe in Oxytocin: This routine generates liquid love that runs through my veins, feeding the motherly feeling and making me want to hold on as tightly as I can as long as this little chunky baby still fits in my arms. I know it won't be long enough.

Beauty and the Beast

2012-02-03T09:54:00.001-06:00

Lily is now two and her capacity for pretend play has exploded. This coincides with her discovery of the awesomeness of Disney's Beauty and the Beast, which she requests nearly every day, often multiple times.

Inspired by this movie, her playtime has been heartbreakingly adorable lately.

1. She found a small basket and a hardcover book in the basement. After triumphantly declaring it's "like Beauty and the Beast!" (think Belle in the first song), she proceeded to dance around and sing with her basket and book. She now does this several times per day.

2. She's been heard to mournfully declare, "I need to help my father! He's sick. He's all alone!"

3. A few days ago we were eating soup for lunch. She started to chuckle and asked, "Can you do it?" "Do what?" "Like Beauty and the Beast!" When I realized she wanted me to eat faux-messily like the Beast and I obliged, I think I made her day.

I don't exactly love seeing here glued to a tv, but there are far worse and more annoying shows she could be watching, so I'm not complaining!

Excuse post

2012-02-03T09:42:00.001-06:00

In the amount of time that's passed since I last posted, I gestated and was delivered of an entire new baby. Twitter and Facebook have been serving my social network needs. I've wanted to blog because there are some things that only a blog post can accomplish, but I haven't been using a computer much lately. Now that I have an iPhone, I almost never use a computer with anywhere near a full-size keyboard. But it's time. I downloaded the Blogger app and with this post am officially trying it out. This might be okay! My dear loyal readers (lol) will know for sure if they see more posts in the future.

30 Days, Day 4

2011-05-17T20:25:00.003-05:00

Day 04 - Your views on religion

Everyone in the world has some kind of religion whether they realize it or not. Whether they belong to an organized religion or simply worship themselves, everyone is devoted to something that shapes their worldview. I once heard it described that Christianity is like no other religion because it is not based on a certain philosophy or set of rules for a way to live your life in order to achieve some kind of reward. Many might read that previous statement and immediately react, "Not true!" Allow me to elaborate: Christianity is not a philosophy. Christianity would not exist but for the historical facts of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. (Some people who call themselves Christian might not believe all those things, but essentially, you have to believe it as Truth to be Christian.)

Christians don't achieve salvation by following a certain set of rules. "What about the Ten Commandments???" What about them? They are God's Law that we are utterly incapable of keeping by our own power. If not for the saving work of Jesus Christ, we would be lost forever. We rely totally on His grace and mercy. We try to abide by the Law, but we constantly need the Gospel.

So my "views on religion"? It's good to have religion, and even better if you worship a higher power. But Religion alone doesn't really do much for your immortal soul. Some might call me religious, but I think it's more accurate to say I'm baptized and I strive always to be mindful of what that really means.
I'm going to abide by the narrow scope of this question, noticing that on another day I'll be asked about my beliefs, and leave it at that.

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit
Day 14 - Your earliest memory
Day 15 - Your favorite blogs
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year
Day 18 - Your beliefs
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents
Day 20 - How important you think education is
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous and who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it's about
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you?
Day 27 - A problem that you have had
Day 28 - Something that you miss
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days
Day 30 - Your highs and lows this month

My Kid Can Read 2

2011-05-15T22:27:00.000-05:00

This is a follow-up to the previous post: Lily has a travel Aquadoodle. That was the original toy we used to show Lily what her name looks like. Tonight she made it clear that it is known not as "Aquadoodle" but as "L! Lily!"

That is all.

My Kid Can Read

2011-05-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

No, she can't read. But she does now recognize her own name, which I think is pretty awesome.

It started as just a habit that both Erich and I have. If Lily happens to have a crayon and paper (not very often yet as she doesn't know how not to make a mess), we will write out her name and say it. "L-I-L-Y. Lily!"

It didn't take too many repetitions before she approximated the same actions. "L! L! Lily!" she says with perfect little Ls as she swipes the pencil or crayon in vertical lines.

She has a book called The Parable of the Lily. Tonight, during her usual refusal-to-sleep routine (still ongoing, actually), I decided to test her. I pointed to her name in the title and asked her what is says. "L. I. Lily."

At least she's smartish. And pretty cute. :)

30 Days, Day 3

2011-05-09T22:29:00.001-05:00

A month later, I'm finally continuing! I kind of stopped wanting to do this meme because I started to realize how teenagery the questions are, but I don't care at the moment. Lily went to bed SHOCKINGLY early tonight, so as a result, this little blog gets some attention!

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol

I enjoy the occasional beer, wine, or mixed drink. I think it's easy enough to abuse alcohol, but any mature adult should have proper judgment as to how much is just enough. I used to get buzzed or drunk in my early twenties, and while I don't regret such behavior for the most part, it's a lifestyle I consider entirely behind me as I'm now a grown-up. And anyone could skip that time of their life and not have missed anything; it's not a rite of passage in my book.

Drugs outside of alcohol are much harder to define, and I don't have the experience or knowledge to make a strong case for one particular drug-worldview. I know for certain that the government and the legal remnants of Prohibition are poor guides for the given safety or danger of any given drug. Some things are illegal which shouldn't be, and others which are legal (like alcohol) can be just as dangerous. I don't think it really makes sense for manufacturers to have to mix straight-up pain killers like hydrocodone with a liver-toxin like Tyle.nol to make it "less likely to cause dependence." There will always be abusers; why put at risk the livers of people who actually need a higher dosage for their given level of pain?

Again, I don't know nearly enough or, frankly, care enough to get on a soapbox. But what I do know about drugs and regulation makes me lean just a little bit more Libertarian than I otherwise might.

Day 04 - Your views on religion
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit
Day 14 - Your earliest memory
Day 15 - Your favorite blogs
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year
Day 18 - Your beliefs
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents
Day 20 - How important you think education is
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous and who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it's about
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you?
Day 27 - A problem that you have had
Day 28 - Something that you miss
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days
Day 30 - Your highs and lows this month

30 Days #2

2011-04-10T22:09:00.000-05:00

Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years

I would like to be right here or not too far away. I hope that we're in a comfortable enough place to do some traveling. I really want to go back to Germany some day. I assume we'll be in a new house in 10 years, as we're in something between a small starter and a 10+ year house right now. I also assume I'll have three or four kids 10 years from now, and that sounds nice. I can't say a lot more right now because there are just so many questions. I've got some ambition, but mostly I just want to be content. My list for where I want to be in one year would be much longer, but ten? There's a zillion variables. Too many to fathom.

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol
Day 04 - Your views on religion
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit
Day 14 - Your earliest memory
Day 15 - Your favorite blogs
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year
Day 18 - Your beliefs
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents
Day 20 - How important you think education is
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous and who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it's about
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you?
Day 27 - A problem that you have had
Day 28 - Something that you miss
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days
Day 30 - Your highs and lows this month

30 Days #1

2011-04-09T20:54:00.000-05:00

A few of my LJ friends did this a while back. I'd like to do some more blogging, but I don't want to have to think of anything original, so this seems like a good fit for me right now. :) It's 30 days of prompts. Ready, set, go!

Day 01 - Your current relationship

I have so many relationships, but I suppose this is asking about my significant other. Erich and I have been married for three and a half wonderful, eventful years. We've been a couple for almost six years and we've known each other for eight years. That's over a quarter of my life. (What? No... really? Um, yep.) We are extremely compatible, and, for the record, I would say compatibility is the one thing anyone should want most in a relationship. It's a boring word, but it encompasses so much. We have the same religious and political views. We want the same things in our family and complement each other well in the parenting department. We make each other laugh every day. We communicate easily and don't get bored with each other. We challenge each other. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else; he's my favorite person in the whole world. I really don't know how much more there is to say! My current relationship is awesome.

Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol
Day 04 - Your views on religion
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit
Day 14 - Your earliest memory
Day 15 - Your favorite blogs
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year
Day 18 - Your beliefs
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents
Day 20 - How important you think education is
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous and who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it's about
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you?
Day 27 - A problem that you have had
Day 28 - Something that you miss
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days
Day 30 - Your highs and lows this month

Somebody Call a WAAAAAAmbulance!

2011-03-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

Why does a blank text box on the internet seem like a strong invitation to complain? I spend most of my time pretty happy and content. But I don't really need to vent when I'm happy! And there's always at least one person to share it with.

But when I'm sick, miserable and tired of life I'm usually also feeling alone. I just feel like someone out there has to listen and be sympathetic and then. . .that will somehow. . .help, I guess? I can't tell you the number of Tweets I've composed in my head and forbidden myself to actually type for fear of giving the entire Internet the impression that I'm nothing but a miserable complainer.

That being said, I am so SICK of being SICK. I know I'm not alone in this assessment: This has been the worst winter ever for sickness. For as long as I can remember, I would get sick once or twice a year. In adulthood, this would usually end up being a fall cold and a late winter cold, and if I was really unlucky I would get a fever and really have to lie down, but that wasn't an every year kind of thing. In this household of three, someone has been sick continuously since early January. And I'm not even going into the viruses of last calendar year. I held off on getting sick this year until mid-February, but once I got started, there was no stopping.

Around February 17, I started feeling the tickle and I knew I was getting the cold of which Erich had just suffered the worst. I felt bad for close to a week and then it tapered off into manageable but annoying congestion. Fearing a sinus infection, I made sure to blow my nose and keep it clear! What a JOKE, because two days after the congestion finally seemed to end, I started feeling bad again. That was a Thursday. By Saturday evening, my ear hurt. By Sunday, I was experiencing the worst pain of my life, and that is not an exaggeration. I probably should have gone to the ER, where I would have been prescribed pain meds that were up to the task. But I went to the doctor on Monday morning and confirmed the diagnosis: severe middle ear infection, perforated ear drum and infected ear canal. I was completely useless and in severe pain for about three days, and I still felt pretty crummy for a complete week.

Just after my 10-day course of antibiotics ended, I was suddenly congested. Another cold! This one seemed milder, so I rode it out. But today, a week later, I feel sick again. Not still. AGAIN. Sore throat. Sore body. Actually, my throat's kind of on fire. Lord, have mercy!

So, Internet, I'm feeling pretty miserable right now. Thanks for listening.

I'm Out of Here

2011-03-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

I'm going to go on a vacation. Since a real vacation just can't happen right now for a million reasons, it's going to have to be a pretend vacation. Right now, I'll take a pretend vacation over no vacation at all.

I'm going by myself. I hop in my luxury car for a leisurely two-hour drive through no major traffic to a tropical beach. As soon as I arrive at my hut, I slip into the most comfortable swimsuit in the world, and I don't even care if I look good in it because there's no one around for miles. After I take a dip in the 70-degree water, I park myself on a chaise with a cooler full of beer and a stack of books I've been meaning to read.

When I get sleepy, I take a nap. When I get hungry, I eat delicious and nutritious fresh foods which have required no preparation by me.

Erich and Lily are allowed to visit. Lily is always in a good mood, and when she's sleepy, she lays down in her own little bed which she likes and takes a nap or sleeps for an entire night as the case may be. When she's hungry, she eats normal big girl food with her full set of teeth. Erich and I enjoy a candlelit dinner in which no one throws any food on the floor, and even if someone does, I don't have to clean it up.

I wear beautiful sundresses. My hair gets that ocean wave. My skin gets suntanned. At no point am I the least bit cold.

Coughs, colds, runny noses, ear infections, antibiotics, and ibuprofen are all unheard of and/or unnecessary. (Imagine such a magical world!)

This vacation lasts for one month and not a day less.

Thanks, Imagination. That sort of helped for a few minutes.

Baby New Year

2011-01-08T23:38:00.000-06:00

Lily is One! This seems to hold more significance to me than New Years this year.

I've been doing a little spring cleaning on the ol' Facebook and Google Reader. Once I start purging a bit, it's increasingly easy to be merciless. I don't want to give up FB entirely, but I also don't even want to see a single entry that I don't at least moderately care about. I defriended a bunch and I hid even more.

As for Reader, I'm moving further and further away from my previous way of thinking, the idea that it's really no big deal if I just scroll past entries on a blog I'm subscribed to because it's worth not missing something that will interest me. That may even be true in a mathematical analysis kind of way, but psychologically it's way too taxing. And the busier my almost-walker gets, the less I want to feel obligated to spend a certain amount of time on the internet.

And while I'm at it, I don't want to keep my netbook on the dining room table any more. Instead of reading the books and magazines I enjoy, I end up wasting too much time on the internet on things that rot my brain, watching the mess grow in my vicinity, losing the will to clean it up so my husband and I have a decent area in which to dine. If do my internetting on my comfy chair with no mess-catching table nearby and no easy ability to eat a meal or a snack in the meantime, I'm disinclined to stay too long. (That's the working theory at this point, anyway.)

This is less a resolution than an epiphany--fitting, given the season! But really, I know I need to waste less time on the internet. It's time to change my habits to support that idea.

I'm feeling like I'm on a roll. Life isn't all roses all the time, but for the first time since I got married, I feel like my daily habits aren't making me fatter by the week. Having an increasingly mobile youngster has everything to do with that. I think it would be foolish to waste this window of well-being. I'm going to keep pushing onward, making daily, tiny improvements, because at this moment, I think I can.

(...until I, by my works, gain heaven! Hahahaha, I kid.)

New Year's Survey

2011-01-03T16:55:00.000-06:00

Cuz it's fun, that's why!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Had a baby!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I wanted to get in shape for real, and I did, sort of. Right around September, I had some real muscles. Then I stopped exercising for many reasons and lost even more weight and have decided that I'm doing well with eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm full, and chasing a toddler.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
MEEEEE! Also, my SIL, Erin!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandmother.

5. What countries did you visit?
I don't recall that we went anywhere more exotic than Indiana. Wow.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A home free from dust? I really don't have a big wish list. We're having affordable home improvements done, which was my wish last year. We are blessed.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?
January 8th, the best and worst.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Kept my kid alive. I'm proud that I've been able to breastfeed her whole life and have been saving money by cloth diapering.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I suffered from good patient syndrome at the end of my pregnancy which blah blah blah blah blah.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
One sinus infection. Nothing horrible.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Anything that kept my family fed, clothed and clean in a practical way. So many baby items are great and indispensible, so I couldn't pick just one.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Erich for his excellent support. I just love that guy.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
People who criticize other people's parenting choices for stupid reasons. I hate Mommy Wars, and I hate getting drawn into them even more.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The house and the kid.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Having a baby. Erich's days off. Galena weekend. Christmastime.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Anything performed by the cast of Glee.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? THINNER!!! THINNER THINNER THINNER!
iii. richer or poorer? same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sleep.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastination. That has always been true. (Keeping the exact same answer from last year.)

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve: Erich played trumpet for 7:15pm church, Lily refused to stay asleep and so hung out with my dad while the rest of us went to 11pm church with me playing organ and Erich and I sang in choir.
Christmas Day: Played organ and sang for 9am church, hung out with parents the rest of the day. Lily opened her "Santa" presents and we watched movies.
Second Day of Christmas: Big party with my side of the family after playing organ for three services. Lots of food, presents, and fun.
Third-Eigth Days of Christmas: Visiting Keller side in IN. It was at times relaxing and chaotic but always nice.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yeah, I really love that little girl who came into my life.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Lost was great. We still like Community, 30Rock, Office, Outsourced has been fun. I have a big new soft spot for Glee.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
The obstetrics establishment.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Time-Traveller's Wife. So good!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Mostly musical shows on TV, like Glee and The Sing-Off.

28. What did you want and get?
New flooring on the main floor. I was so glad the carpet was gone, it took me a while to be thrilled that the hardwood looks good.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Harry Potter #7, Part 1. One of the only movies I saw in the theater.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Erich and I went on a rare date to a Spanish restaurant. I turned 27.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I have no idea.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
My personal fashion concepts are always so practical. In the past I've attempted to hide the fat and then look as good as possible while pregnant. This year looking decent, hiding fat, and being able to nurse easily and modestly were the driving forces.

34. What kept you sane?
Usually my mom, who would provide and extra pair of arms to deal with a baby.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Maybe I've finally grown up or something, but I have almost no connection to celebrity pop culture these days, and I don't miss it.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Birth rights and breastfeeding rights. Feminist stuff, actually, minus the abortion stuff.

37. Who did you miss?
All the family and friends I don't get to see often enough.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Lily!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
One very important aspect of parenting can be boiled down to constant risk assessment.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your whole year:
Pick a lullaby, any lullaby.

*

2010-12-24T00:18:00.001-06:00

JUST TO CLARIFY: In the last post, I didn't mean anything by the ";)". It just meant, "If you think that 'looks like I'm breaking my streak' means 'I'm not pregnant this year,' you're right." As in, I'm breaking my streak of being pregnant on 12-22, not breaking my streak of not being pregnant. I totally overlooked the ambiguity. Sorry! That is all.

Weird

2010-12-22T21:18:00.000-06:00

It's December 22.

Last year, I was 37 weeks pregnant, retiring from most regular daily activities, waddling everywhere I went, unable to jam my feet into almost any of my shoes. I was pregnant.

Two years ago, I had just found out, nine weeks into my second pregnancy, that no fetus had developed. A sad sack on the couch, I awaited my scheduled D&C the next day to remove the "products of conception." I was pregnant. . .technically.

Three years ago, if I had taken a pregnancy test, it would have been positive. I was about four weeks pregnant with my first baby, a little fighter my inhospitable womb would eventually starve to death and expel. I was pregnant, but I didn't know it yet.

I don't feel like I've spent most of my marriage pregnant or anything, but three times in just over two years is technically quite often. And it only recently occurred to me that I was pregnant this time of year three years in a row. At almost one year, this is the longest stretch of my marriage that I've gone not-pregnant. That's kind of amazing!

Everything is amazing and weird. And I am so, so profound.

As for this year? Looks like I'm breaking my streak. ;)

Bizarre

2010-12-15T00:56:00.000-06:00

I've had a lot of strange experiences in the ~49 weeks since my baby was born. Tonight is right up there!

Lily's bedtimes have been all over the place. In fact, it really makes me want to rethink how I spend my evenings so that I could always be there to help her get to bed at a decent time, but that's another post entirely. Anyway, our routine, such as it is, has been particularly out of whack recently.

Tonight she had what I could only call a very late nap, going to sleep around what would be a good bedtime, about 7:00pm. The only problem was we happened to be at my parents' house at the time. When she woke up a little bit, around 9:30, we bundled her up and took her home. She was groggy and cranky through the pj's and diaper change routine and then feasted on momma's milk before dozing off again.

Then she did the currently-typical "I'M ASLEEP BUT YOU CAN'T PUT ME DOWN OR I WILL SCREAM AND CRY" rigmarole. It's kind of like having a newborn again, only extra infuriating because I don't understand it at all. Multiple attempts to calm her down failed. She'd be floppy-asleep, but as soon as I'd start to lower her into her crib, she'd arch her back, flip over and start wailing. I found myself praying that if God would be so good as to bless us with more children, would He please also be so beneficent as to grant us a child who actually likes to sleep? Or at least doesn't fight it with every tiny ounce of her strength?

So, I gave up. Daddy's turn. He was ready for bed, so he tried calming her down to sleep in our bed. He tried going back to her room and rocking her. He tried everything before calling on me. We did the can't-fail, flank-the-baby-in-bed-and-let-her-touch-BOTH-of-our-hair routine that should do it. Nope, she'd calm down, act like she was asleep and then completely lose it if someone moved a muscle.

Exasperated, I offered her the breast one last time. She drank up, rolled over, eyes still closed, and then: was that a smile? Is this kid smiling in her sleep? And THEN:

"Pthbtp. Heh"

She was babbling. Happy babbling. She stuck out her tongue at Erich and then finally, dramatically, opened her eyes with a look of glee. Erich and I both did a double-take and then starting rolling around laughing. Lily joined in. I have no idea what happened. I still don't--but it was pretty darn funny!

I laughed and laughed until I nearly cried frustrated tears of exhaustion an hour later when she was doing the scream-cry thing again. I finally got her calmed down and, miraculously, in her crib. So I guess I'd better get ready for bed, slip into bed, and then be most of the way asleep in time for her to wake up again. Good night!

Laundry

2010-12-07T14:48:00.000-06:00

The long-awaited laundry post. Since I started cloth-diapering, I've had a bit of a laundry odyssey, and I feel like I've finally come to a less adventurous stage of the journey and can breathe a little easier. Getting here was not always fun, but I sure learned a lot.

I first started washing the diapers in bumGenius cloth diaper detergent. It was the lowest priced cloth diaper detergent at my local cloth diaper store. It seemed to go well for a while, but after about a month, it seemed like the diapers were starting to lose their absorbency. I experimented with some of the pocket diapers and found that they were repelling. No! That's the opposite of what I want!

My first strategy was to strip the diapers. After washing, I washed them again on hot with a squirt of blue Dawn dish detergent and then rinsed until all the bubbles came out. This appeared to do the trick, but they were stinking and repelling again less than a month later. I did not want to have to strip the diapers once a month, since it took more than a day to do all the necessary rinses, not to mention the waste of water! I poked around a bit in the washing machine and upon opening the (never used by us) fabric softener dispenser, I found big globs of leftover fabric softener from the previous owner. Fabric softener is horrible for diapers! I was worried.

I researched a little and came across Charlie's Soap, which promised to strip washing machines of gunk as well as get clothes and diapers super clean. I ordered, received, and started using it. It got the machine sparkling, and the clothes and diapers seemed quite clean. The instructions said it would be pretty sudsy while it got old residues out of everything but that eventually it would be low-sudsing. I waited and waited and if anything, it seemed to get MORE sudsy. I started having to do multiple rinses on the diapers and they would still be shedding suds. Furthermore, stains on clothes and diapers alike seemed untouched. I was using Oxyclean on everything and was starting to feel adrift. What was I doing wrong?

Gradually, I came to embrace the great importance of one variable over which I had no control: the water. Though I live in the same town I've lived all my life, my address is now unincorporated and we actually receive water from a neighboring municipality. And it turns out, Chicagoland water is actually quite hard! And this neighboring municipality's water seems to be quite a bit harder than in the city proper. Detergents act differently when the water is chock full of extra minerals. That's why Charlie's still sudsed up like crazy; that's probably why the diapers would start repelling every few weeks.

Finally, I ordered a few samples of Rockin Green detergent, Hard Rock formula. I rocked the soak. I started washing the diapers full time in it. And? Months later, I have not had to do any stripping. Stains come out. The diapers never repel. They are just now starting to get a little extra stinky (the ammonia singes the nose hairs a bit), but I've been experimenting with water levels and rinses and they inadvertently got dried with a dryer sheet recently, so either of those could be the culprit. I expect a soak to knock out the stinkies, and if it doesn't, it's an excuse to try the new Funk Rock for ammonia stink.

I decided that this detergent is just a little too expensive to use on all our laundry, so I've gone back to liquid All Free & Clear with our clothes, as liquid works better than powder with hard water. I often use Rockin Green for towels and sheets, though, and they come out super fresh and clean. I'm considering using the leftover Charlie's to strip our machine from time to time, as it's gotten rather gunky again.

My laundry odyssey has made me more familiar with detergent, water, agitation, rinsing, stains, absorbency and stink than I ever thought I'd be. And I actually enjoy it way more than I ever thought I would. Your stains and stinks are no match for my arsenal!

State of the Stash

2010-12-06T11:22:00.001-06:00

News flash: I still love cloth diapering. Especially now that I have laundry figured out and it isn't an ongoing puzzle, I just get a warm and fuzzy feeling from putting something warm and fuzzy on my daughter's bum. A few weeks ago, she had an uncharacteristic rash, which put her in sposies with rash cream for a day. This led to a rare moment when all the diapers were clean and neatly stacked, so naturally I took a picture:

So very beautiful.

So here's the line-up:

Upper shelf, back left quadrant: Three Happy Heinys one-size pocket diapers, usually used during the day; three bumGenius one-size pocket diapers, double stuffed with microfiber and hemp/cotton doublers for nighttime use; one bumGenius all-in-one diaper, size Medium, stuffed with hemp/cotton doubler for nighttime use.

Upper shelf, back right quadrant: Two Bumboo bamboo fitted diapers, rarely/never used (they're difficult to put on, don't fit well, etc.); two Flip stay-dry/microfiber inserts.

Upper shelf, front right quadrant: ~19 GroBaby snap-in soakers (one is actually already stuck inside a cover on the other side)

Upper shelf, front left quadrant, top to bottom: Seven GroBaby covers, some converted from aplix to snaps; two Flip covers (grass green and sky blue) for use with Flip inserts and small prefolds; two Thirsties duo covers, size 2, one velcro (tree print) and one snaps (green) for use with larger prefolds.

Lower shelf, left side: 12 infant prefolds, used by folding in thirds lengthwise and laying in a cover.

Lower shelf, right side: 6 standard prefolds, used by wrapping around baby and fastening with Snappis (the "old fashioned" way, except no pins) and then applying a cover.

By my count, that's about 46 diapers that get used regularly. That's a bit more than the 2-3 dozen that the experts recommend, but I think it's the perfect number. With the number of diapers I have, I could get a little behind on laundry/sorting/folding and still have some diapers readily available.

It also means I virtually never have to use disposables. As a result, I've acquired an aversion to using disposables, even when traveling. When we recently made the mad scramble to get out of town for a few days for Thanksgiving, we had to do last minute laundry so that (a) we wouldn't leave dirty diapers to rot at home and (b) we would actually have enough diapers to last the trip. The call of the sposies was strong, but I resisted. Erich later commended me for my dedication to the environment. That comment was tongue-in-cheek, because we both knew that wasn't it at all. I resist disposable diapers and stick to my cloth because it's what I know. I don't have a knack for seeking out places to throw away a stinky diaper, and I'd rather not bother when in someone else's home. Yes, cloth takes up more space and I actually have to carry the mess around, but I'm in the habit of doing that and it's just normal.

Add to that, cloth is better for my baby's skin, and laundry is kind of fun. Cloth wins!

I'm Going There

2010-11-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

I have a confession: I don't always fail to blog because I don't have any ideas. I have plenty of ideas that I would really like to communicate, to get down on paper/in text box, but they seem too huge to undertake or I don't know from which angle to approach it or whatever excuse I can come up with.

One of these topics is birth. It is so hard to begin to touch upon the many facets of the issue, let alone my emotions pertaining thereto. Perhaps I have more feelings than ability to express them, as is often the case. In such circumstances, I read as much as I possibly can, which is cathartic but, ultimately, confusing.

Today I read this post from the ICAN blog about the rise in unnecessary cesareans, and I've had a moment of clarity. It summarizes the root of my anger. I had a c-section with my first and only (so far) baby. I believe this c-section was unnecessary. My doctor could probably give you a handful of good-sounding reasons why I had to have a c-section. I don't buy any of them.

Here are the facts:

I had elevated blood pressure for the final few weeks of pregnancy.
I was not dilated or effaced at all.
I was induced for high blood pressure five days before my due date.
I did not respond to the Pitocin in a textbook way: contractions were irregular, even at maximum dosage.
The doctor artificially ruptured my membranes at 1.5 cm dilation, against my expressed wishes.
I did not progress beyond 2-3 cm dilation.
My baby weighed 9 lb 1 oz at birth.

The "reason" I ended up with a c-section, according to my doctor? Big baby, of course! Never mind that smaller women than me give birth naturally to much larger babies every day. Never mind that I had a rock-bottom Bishop score, which indicates a likely unsuccessful induction.

Are all c-sections bad? Of course not. Does the procedure save lives when properly indicated? Absolutely. I'm really glad there is such a thing as a c-section and that it does not necessarily kill the mother like it did in days of yore. And to be completely fair, I do not fault a woman who, having educated herself and been informed of her options, chooses a c-section.

But I did not choose a c-section and I had one anyway. So what now? I want several more children and no more major surgery, so I must pray and hope for successful VBACs ever after.

I am still angry. Not just because of what happened, but because of what came next. This is what my doctor told me in my postpartum visit, I kid you not:

I probably won't ever be able to birth vaginally if all my babies are as big as this one.
I can't be induced as a VBAC candidate, so if I go past my due date, it's an automatic scheduled c-section. Yes, the "due date," a mere midpoint in a long range of possible days to give birth (50% of all births occur after the due date, including 100% of my mother's, if that matters), will now become an unfair and somewhat arbitrary deadline for nature.
If I have another baby within two years, it's an automatic scheduled c-section.

I am never seeing that doctor again. And now my search for something better has me more and more horrified at the state of obstetrics in our country that something like this is as common as it is. I'm not denying the possibility that the alternative to my c-section could have been much worse. But the skyrocketing c-section rates, especially among first-time mothers should mean that there is a sudden and sharp rise in giant babies and woefully undersized pelvises--indeed, an epidemic! sweeping the nation. The very notion is ludicrous. This rush-to-induce and failure-to-wait has to STOP.

It crushes me every time I hear of another first-time mother who is induced and sectioned. Doctors trying to lighten their case loads and hospitals trying to free beds in their labor and delivery wards are seriously jeopardizing the bodily integrity and reproductive freedom of women everywhere. It's shocking to me that this does not bother some people in the least. It saddens me when others trivialize my anger by telling me (or implying) that at least my baby is healthy or that so-and-so's vaginal birth was bad so I should be glad I had a c-section.

It scares me that a second c-section might necessarily limit my family size. I'm scared that, as educated as I am, I may fall into the system's traps again. I'm scared that I won't go into labor, or that I will but will then fail to progress. And when I think about how scared I am, I get angry all over again.

My daughter's birthday is something to celebrate. She changed my life forever and every passing year of her life is something to treasure. Her actual birth, however? One of the worst days of my life, actually.

Heh

2010-11-23T21:25:00.000-06:00

This made me chortle.

Erich: "Do we have any more Kleenex?"

Susan: "I dunno."

Erich: sighing "I put you in charge of ONE THING--

Susan: sharp intake of breath, ready to protest

Erich: ". . .the house. . .and you don't even know if we have any Kleenex!"

I guess this is one of those "had to be there" things, but I lol'd. :)

Oh Snap

2010-11-21T23:14:00.000-06:00

Totally forgot to put something up yesterday. NaBloPoMo fail! Sigh, something so easy, failed so easily.

K, over it. At this exact moment, I'm caught in the vicious cycle of tired. I'm tired enough to crash, but there are tasks yet to be completed. But I'm too tired to do anything. But I don't want to go to bed and leave too much for the morning. (I'm a night owl, btw.) So I stay up. But nothing gets done. And now I'm too tired to do anything AND I'm too tired to go to bed.

This happens shamefully often. I only ever remember that I love to sleep when someone or something is demanding that I get up in the morning. When will I ever learn?

Ode to a Special Lady

2010-11-19T22:40:00.000-06:00

This post is both overdue and underdue. There is one very special lady in my life without whom I wonder how I could function.

My mom and I have always been buddies, and I never outgrew needing to talk to her and get help from her. Does anyone, really? I feel blessed that she's in my life and that we live so close to each other.

In the past year alone, she's helped me organize my house after moving in, she helped me remove wallpaper and paint several rooms. She helped immensely when Lily was born with household chores and baby-holding so I could take showers and feel human. Her house has been available for me to be a little lazy when I need a break. She feeds me and takes me shopping. She watches Lily whenever I ask.

She's a peaceful mediator when Lily and I are getting on each other's nerves. She's a sounding board for me and my scattered thoughts. She puts my baby to sleep. She even helped with bedtime tonight. She never asks for anything in return.

My mom is the bomb. I know Lily will have a pretty great mom in her adulthood some day because I learned from the best. A thousand thank yous are not enough. Even so, THANK YOU, MOM!!!

Pray for Me

2010-11-18T23:26:00.000-06:00

While you're at it, you could pray for Erich and the other men of my family as they head to nowhere to sit around a fire to drink beer and call it "hunting."

What this means for me is that while I'm used to Erich traveling, it's never over a weekend, and never EVER when I have to play organ. I'm already tired, literally and figuratively.

Thank the Lord I have family in town! I'm going to need all the help I can get.

Can't Think

2010-11-17T22:39:00.000-06:00

I can't think of anything to blog about today. And that shall be my topic.

For starters, I have a headache. It's a kind of perfect storm combination of sinus congestion/can't breathe through nose, tension, and sense of impending doom.

"Doom" may be an overstatement. But I'm finally realizing that Thanksgiving is in one week and Christmas is in five and a half weeks, and that's just not right. I have short-term to-do list items piling up that I want to get done this week. Meanwhile, our gift list grows every year, and I am already completely out of ideas. Add to the Christmas list people who have birthdays right around then and whose birthdays we've missed and, well, we just added to my headache.

I wish I had a flair for gift-giving. Maybe I just need more practice. More than just thinking of the right gift, I need to know when to let go and accept whatever may happen next: the recipient already has or doesn't like the gift, for example. I get paralyzed enough when shopping for myself; shopping for 19 people plus birthdays completely levels me. Every year I think it's going to be fun, and every year I wait just a little longer than I should to start getting it under control.

So there's part of the "doom" quadrant of my headache. The other part is I have to play organ this Sunday, and Erich is going to be off at deer camp. I've never had to figure out a whole Sunday morning of organ-playing with kid sans husband. Not to mention the practicing I need to get done beforehand and the housecleaning that needs to be done before the arrival of BIL and roommate on Tuesday. Wait, Thanksgiving is next week?? REALLY??

The sinus congestion is just super annoying, and the tension is from sleeping wrong and perhaps (but I hope not) too much knitting. But ugh, the doom. Can I just skip to the hot chocolate and pajamas part of Christmas?

So, sorry I have nothing to blog about today.

Prompt

2010-11-16T23:43:00.001-06:00

I'm going with a NaBloPoMo prompt today:

How did you end up where you're living right now? What factors will help you choose the next place you live?

I believe I chronicled our house hunt here, here, and here. To summarize, this house felt the most like home and was the closest to the complete package that we could get in our budget. Every project seemed doable, and they would be if we had the time and money to do them. Many unforeseen problems that always seem to happen with houses have tempered our joy of living here, but we're generally happy.

There are some factors in which this house is not ideal in the long run:

It has three bedrooms, but they're on two different levels (one being the basement) and on opposite corners. This works okay with one child and maybe two, but not for long.
The layout is a bit weird. I'm going to spare details on that because I don't want to go to complaining territory. Suffice it to say I can see why certain traditional layouts stand the test of time for family function.
There are too many huge projects which might not be worth doing for how long we want to be here and for how much we could stand to gain on attempting them. Our main bathroom will need to be gutted; it's unlikely we'll ever take down the horrible paneling in the basement, but horrible it most certainly is; these windows, they're a curse. Etc.
One-car garage. Actually, for us right now, and probably forever, no-car garage. Bleh.

So, my next house, in five years or so, must have:

Budget-friendliness! Of course.
Move-in readiness. We're just not fixer-uppers.
Four bedrooms, all on the same floor and away from main living areas.
Two-car garage.
Good location, whatever that will mean at this unspecified time in the future.
No mice, ever.
And on my "dare I hope?" list: a true master suite, kitchen with lots of counter space and a pantry (what a dream!), big back yard with a nice deck.

So, that's my wish list. My dream list would be much, much longer, but that's not the point. One thing I've learned as a grown-up is to think about what would be the least it would take to make me happy and then shoot a level or two higher than that. Life is too full of disappointments to have unrealistic goals.

Erichisms

2010-11-15T23:27:00.000-06:00

Since Lily's still too young to say the darnedest things, I will share one of my favorite Erichisms:

It's tired in here.

It's too tired in here for a substantive blog post tonight. One of these days I'm going to tell you all about laundry (REJOICE!), but I keep waiting till it's too late to do the topic justice.

I kind of like laundry. Be forewarned.

We're All Clean

2010-11-14T22:45:00.000-06:00

Today was the family baby shower for my sister, Anne. I think it was a pretty fun party!

Okay, enough about the party. What's so cool about this whole pregnant-sister thing right now is that Anne's baby (girl, of course) is due, depending on how you calculate, on January 11/13 of next year. Lily was due January 11/13 this year. She made her appearance on January 8.*

What does this mean? It means for me observing Anne, this year is memories of last year and for Anne observing Lily, this year is prediction for next year. Of course, every baby, every mama, and every experience is different, but being that we're sisters who share the same parents and similar body types, our experiences are indeed quite similar. And did I mention she also had two losses prior to this current pregnancy, the first being a late first trimester loss and the second being very early? Just like me! Not exactly the same, but very similar.

So often I look at her and say something like, "Oh yes, I remember starting to feel more sure I was really having a baby by late summer," or "I think I was unable to wear my rings by this point too," or "I know I was wearing Crocs pretty much exclusively by this point in the year." I can't really describe why this is so thrilling, but it is.

And one thing I remember about this time last year was starting to get pretty excited! The excitement was tempered a bit by being overwhelmed about what still needed to be done. But the only emotion that carries over to this year is pure excitement. I love all my nieces and I can't wait to meet the newest one.

*Footnotes are handy. I MEAN, it's still hard for me to say "was born." Yes, she was, in the technical sense that in one moment she was in and the next she was out. I promise I'm not going to open this can of worms right now, but to me, a cesarean "birth" is only technical. Or, to put it another way, Lily was born, but I didn't give birth. I'll shut up now.

Resolution

2010-11-13T23:40:00.000-06:00

I'm just tired of whining and complaining. I feel like I've been doing a lot of that lately.

Well. . .okay, I'm not done whining and complaining about everything I could possibly whine and complain about. But one thing is getting the boot from my plate of worries. I will, like a baby-toddler learning how to play fetch, grab it from the tray in front of me, rotate my torso to extend my arm outward, and drop that little sucker straight onto the floor. And I will calmly watch it go splat. Bonus points if a dog comes along to eat it up.*

I'm done worrying about this kid's sleep habits. No matter what I do or don't do, whether I feel in control or not, whether I'm subscribing to the ideas of some author/guru or relying on my instincts alone, this too shall pass, and I'm finally ready to embrace that. I'm going to stop stubbornly ignoring how strong are the implications of two new teeth, many new words and a cold all in one week when it comes to falling and staying asleep. It's just hard, and we suffer, but we survive and it's okay.

Call it an epiphany, call it a nice night out with good friends and good beer, call it a timely rush of oxytocin--I'm feeling a bit at peace right now, so I'm just going to roll with it.

*My parents' wonderful dog, the eight-year-old yellow lab Lucy, was recently treated to a Lily cast-off. But she's so obedient, so subservient, that she did not take the rejected food until one of her parents gave her permission. I don't want a dog (right now) because no dog can live up to Lucy.

Correctnesses

2010-11-12T19:44:00.000-06:00

Don't listen to my husband.

When your baby's tummy is exposed, and you place your mouth on the soft expanse and proceed to blow air so as to create the sound of flatulence, that is known as a poost. If you do the same, on a smaller scale, perhaps to someone's cheek, with lips puckered (not wide open), such an act is termed zerbet.

Poost and zerbet can coexist, and, indeed, they are related. There is an important distinction, however, and we must never call a zerbet what is most clearly a poost.

The cardboard tube found giving shape to your paper towels or wrapping paper is known as a do-do. That is "do" pronounced "doe." For when one places one's mouth in one end of the tube and makes sounds like a trumpet, one says "do-do."

One most certainly does NOT say "doo-doo," for such a scatological reference is loathsome and most undesirable.

Do not listen to my husband.

Habits

2010-11-11T23:57:00.000-06:00

I have so many things I want to make regular habits. Such as

Knitting - I'd like to always have a knitting or crochet project going. I go in bursts on this one. I'll make a few things and eventually get overzealous, at which point my tendinitis kicks in and I have to set it aside for a while.

Going to bed early - Ha, yeah right. Often attempted, rarely achieved.

Getting up early - See above.

Drinking water - Water is so boring right now. So, I've replaced it with Diet Coke. This is Not Good.

Reading the Bible - Sometime in my life, I will have read the whole Bible from cover to cover. I'm following the 2-year plan in my Lutheran Study Bible, usually a week and a half's worth at a time every month or so. You could say I'm doing it, but it's not exactly a good habit right now.

Practicing piano/organ - Totally slumping here right now. Hard to do with a baby, awake or asleep.

Exercise - Was doing spectacularly until mid-September when I got sick, then Lily got sick, then her sleep habits went down the crapper (pardon my French), apparently permanently. I miss exercising.

No candy - The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Organizing the house - My occasional baby steps don't seem to make a dent.

I don't think there are enough hours in the day to always do all these things. But they are the things for which I strive.

Stream of Consciousness

2010-11-10T22:16:00.000-06:00

Erich, what shall I post about today? He replies: well, you could complain about Lily or brag about me OR brag about Lily. Or you could talk about the weather. OR you could do some very light political commentary.

Hm. I guess I'm finding my niche, eh?

Well, I still can't think of a topic for the day, so here's all the randomness going through my head right now.

I don't care what anyone says or chooses to worry about, 70 degrees in November is magnificent. I look forward to more days of mildness. I don't like having to bundle up myself and a wiggly toddlerish being just to go out. Frankly, Lily doesn't even have a warm coat. They don't really work well with car seats, so I'm going to see how long I can go by just keeping her in sweaters and piling on the warm blankets when needed.

I cannot WAIT to have a minivan. We're at the point where we could buy one now, but it's just better if we keep saving the money till we really have to pull the trigger. Getting around town is okay in the (old) Buick Century, but it's so worn out and uncomfortable for longer trips. I don't care if minivans scream "mom!" I am a mom and minivans are darn practical. And I want one.

Lily's sleep patterns are shifting. A week ago, she was still not even considering sleep until 10:00 or 11:00 at night. Last night she was down by nine and slept (with a few interruptions) until 7am. Tonight she started acting super sleepy by 6:00 and I got her down by 7:30. This is great, but I'm nervous about how early she's going to be up for the day tomorrow. I'm not a morning person and can't change my wake time as suddenly as she apparently can.

Old music (Baroque and earlier) is good for the soul. Especially in the fall, for whatever reason.

I'm taking baby steps to change this, because it's all I can do, but every room in my house still feels like I'm either packing for or unpacking from a move. I still can't be fully excited about the positive changes in the kitchen/living room/dining room because it's still not DONE and I keep forgetting to call our guy to find out when he's ever going to come finish the job. It does look so much better, though, and someday I really should do a proper post on the project. That would feel wrong when I could be using all that time to be making it all more livable.

Pause to appreciate the irony.

I'm so glad Erich is home all week.

I have to fold and put away laundry.

My baby is heavy. Also, my back is sore.

Fin

Why Kids Need Dads:

2010-11-09T21:06:00.000-06:00

Because I would not and could not do this with any regularity:

But I suspect it's really good for building character.

And a whole host of other things as well. Because this kid gets thrown around and inverted by her daddy, she's used to a little bit of roughness. She belly laughs. She bonds with her daddy.

A mother's gentle, loving touch is one thing, but nothing can replace a good daddy.

10 Months

2010-11-08T22:08:00.000-06:00

The kid is 10 months old.

I've been posting more, so it seems repetitious to recount all the major things she's doing right now, but here's what I can think of:

She understands a LOT more than she can communicate. It seems like she knows a lot of words.
In that vein, she knows two signs, which are usually accompanied by spoken words: "milk" ("mee mee") and "diaper" ("die die. . . peh peh"). I think she has fun doing the diaper sign and will sign and say it even when she's totally dry.
She's got a destructive streak. She'll pick up an object and slam it against something else and softly smirk. She also studies things very closely, often in a methodical way, like her engineer father.
We may be coming out the other side of the tunnel, sleep-wise, but for the record, I never said this. No sleep jinxes allowed!
Her smile has evolved again. When she's very excited or telling a joke, she crinkles up her whole face with a wide smile and usually a hip bounce as well.
Speaking of smile, she's got some upper teeth coming in. They look really close to popping through and she's writhing in pain a lot, but I won't be surprised if it's another week or two. This child's teeth don't like her.
Everything is for climbing on or crawling to. Bravery increases as she lets go of things while standing up more and more often.
Once she discovered she can take bites with her lower teeth, she started liking solid food more. She likes a lot of things, especially apple and her old favorite, rice.
Her hair, where I once cut it, is growing out again. And I mean OUT. It's pretty tough to tame. Her shortest little hairs on the back of her head are very curly.

Eight to ten months ago, caring for this baby was like having to do 200 simple arithmetic questions per day. Exhausting, but relatively simple. Now it's like having to do only 10 problems, only now they're Calculus. And I never TOOK Calculus.

To add a dash of another metaphor, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I used to long for the day of predictable naps, more sleep at night, and increased interaction. Now I kind of miss the days when I didn't have to chase a wild animal around the house and continually baby-proof my life.

I wouldn't trade these last ten months with this kid for anything. She is a complete joy (no matter what I might say in the more challenging moments)!

Sunday

2010-11-07T22:58:00.000-06:00

Weekend. Week end. Week beginning. Let us hope this coming week is easier than the last. It shall help immensely to have both parents at home.

After an exhausting and frustrating week followed by an exhausting but fun weekend, I don't have much to say.

It's All Saints Day (Observed). I am remembering the saints who have entered eternity this year, especially Louise B. and my grandmother, Eleanor G.

Jerusalem the golden,
With milk and honey blest--
The promise of salvation,
The place of peace and rest--
We know not, oh, we know not
What joys await us there:
The radiancy of glory,
The bliss beyond compare!

Within those walls of Zion
Sounds forth the joyful song,
As saints join with the angels
And all the martyr throng.
The Prince is ever with them;
The daylight is serene;
The city of the blessed
Shines bright with glorious sheen.

Around the throne of David,
The saints, from care released,
Raise loud their songs of triumph
To celebrate the feast.
They sing to Christ, their leader,
Who conquered in the fight,
Who won for them forever
Their gleaming robes of white.

O sweet and blessed country,
The home of God's elect!
O sweet and blessed country
That faithful hearts expect!
In mercy, Jesus, bring us
To that eternal rest
With You and God the Father
And Spirit, ever blest.

--Bernard of Cluny, 12th century

Next Up: Garbage Bags

2010-11-06T21:01:00.001-05:00

I was recently blessed with the beginning of a slight glimmer of a tentative hope that I could start to be satisfied with my bodily shape and size. Not ideal by a long shot, but sustainable and improved from previous months.

Nothing can snuff out that tiny flame more effectively than trying on new clothes, specifically pants. Sure, I went to only one store where I've never had much luck in the past, but that didn't keep me from being disappointed. It seems like whenever I find clothes that fit, I get them because they technically fit and not because they look particularly good on me. But that is the exception: I can never, ever find good pants that fit.

And I'm pretty sure I never will. Whining to Erich, I told him I would just start wearing paper bags. He suggested plastic as it would help me sweat more. I concur; garbage bags it is. Slimming black. He also offered heavy-duty shrink wrap. As IF. I would not wear heavy-duty shrink wrap instead of pants. It would be my shapewear, for sure. I have such a helpful husband to help me figure out my wardrobe woes.

But seriously, I need help. I have so very many clothes of the following categories: warm weather, cold weather, in-between. Of each of those, there's pre-pregnancy (skinny and fat, but mostly fat), maternity, and postpartum.

I'm happy to say postpartum clothes are now too big. I'm still wearing the tops, but they're increasingly tent-like. Maternity is RIGHT OUT. I was still wearing some of my dress pants, but the last time I wore them, they looked ridiculous, so all maternity clothes are officially done. (I have a ten-month-old. I guess it's good I'm not wearing maternity clothes anymore, right?)

So that leaves pre-pregnancy. And since I hadn't worn any of those clothes for about a year and a half, I don't even remember what I have. And from what I've found, it's unpredictable as to what will fit. Most of it doesn't since everything just fits differently now.

I guess I need a completely new wardrobe, but I lack two things: time and money. Oh, and ambition. Plus, I have that feeling that once I finally figure out how to dress my body AND I have some decent clothes that fit, I'm going to find myself pregnant again and have to start all over.

Makes the garbage bag option seem more and more viable. I wish saris and muumuus were more socially acceptable. Never mind; I'd still probably have to shop for them.

Post that is Not a Post

2010-11-05T12:01:00.001-05:00

No exciting blog today. The hubs, the BIL, the Baby and I are going to southern Indiana, and coming back the same day.

We're crazy, but we wouldn't miss youngest BIL as the Beast in Beauty and the Beast for anything. Break a leg, Andrew!

No Whining

2010-11-04T11:31:00.000-05:00

Making a point to post every day presents the danger of this blog becoming a place to do nothing but vent and whine. And while I could definitely come up with something to vent and whine about every day, I don't want that for this blog.

Therefore, I will not:

Even bring up the topic of sleep and how no one's getting nearly enough of it around here.
Remind everyone that I know it will get better, but that doesn't really help me when all I can think to do is literally ram my head into a wall.
Even THINK about complaining that Erich seems to travel all the time and wonder why I ever complained about his absences BL (before Lily).
Mention that the sight of my house, everything out of place and still unfinished from having some work done a few weeks ago, makes me want to cower in a corner and sob a bit.

Whew, we can all be glad I'm not going to whine about any of that.

Instead, let's enjoy some pictures of autumnal beauty from before that cyclone came through and blew all the leaves off the trees:

Trick or Treat

2010-11-03T23:09:00.001-05:00

Halloween was Sunday dinner at my parents' house. We went for a brief walk and called it trick-or-treating.

Lily was a ladybug.

All three of us.

(I apologize for my appearance. I probably should keep my mouth shut and stop seeing things that no one else does, but I find it hard to believe that I'm that fat. The sweater and pants are both way too big, so let's blame the clothes. I keep meaning to shop for myself, and it keeps not happening.)

Alice! This kid is a champion smiler.

The three cousins. Alayna actually was trick-or-treating.

My cousin, Nathan, wife Anna, and baby Jacob were there! Jacob was the cutest pumpkin ever.

No Credit Taken

2010-11-02T22:54:00.001-05:00

Erich and I are very much the parents of one child. Fortunately, we know it and are pretty self-conscious about it. As such, we take absolutely no credit for Lily's many wonderful traits. Conveniently, this frees us from taking credit for her many less-than-desirable traits.

Lily is what many would call a "good" baby. She only cries if she is physically hurt, she loves people, she plays with toys the way they're meant to be played with, and she generally has a very even temperament. Our mothers tell us that Erich and I were the same way as babies, so it's not very shocking that we have such an agreeable child.

Tonight, because Erich is out of town, I took my overtired baby to an election party because I needed a break. She was a complete doll. I could tell she was extremely tired: The staring eyes, the yawns, they give her away. Yet people expect a baby to turn fussy and become a terror when she's getting close to bedtime. So when they know she's super tired and THIS is what she's like when she's sleep deficient, people start laying on the compliments. I acknowledge my luck and move on.

Absolutely nothing I do as a mother makes her this way. And you know what? She challenges me. I struggle. The reason she was so overtired in the first place was that she only napped for one hour this morning and utterly refused an afternoon nap. She did act super tired for about three hours, but for whatever reason, she never would sleep. And I confess I lost my temper.

So no matter how "good" my baby is, I don't have the easiest time in the world. And that makes us normal! If I survive till she's two, she'll probably be quite terrible by then. And I will not be surprised. And I will not accept any blame!

Hair

2010-11-01T21:45:00.001-05:00

Lily has a very interesting relationship with hair. Not the hair on her head, which is an exciting mess in itself, but hair on other people's heads.

She has always loved feeling different textures with her fingers, but I believe she finds hair hair to be the ultimate supreme texture. I know it's a thing with babies that they like silky textures and will stroke them to soothe themselves. Lily? Give her some grit and she's happy as a drug addict getting her fix. You can see it in the way her eyes slacken and her head drops as soon as she has her hair.

Having long hair is key. My hair comes just past my shoulders in the front and whenever I hold my sleepy baby close to nurse or rock her to sleep, her free hand goes straight for my neck area. She gropes around until she can find a handful, a strand or clump to clutch in her fist. With the ends toward her thumb, she presses her thumb against the fistful of hair as if she's clicking a button.

Besides the fact that I'm the only lactating human in the household, this is another reason I'm usually the only one who can help get Lily to sleep. Erich, for all his luxurious curls, does not have grabbable strands of hair which hang around his neck. And if I should happen to have my hair tied back on a given day? Well, that situation needs to be remedied quickly because this strong little kid's grasp can and will start pulling apart my 'do to get the precious combination of silky and gritty textures between her tiny fingertips.

Lily's need for hair is right up there with her need to suck. She will usually only hang onto a pacifier if she's going to sleep or is particularly tired. If we happen to be out when she's getting ready for naptime, she will absent-mindedly grab for hair. When hair is not available, she will press her thumb print rhythmically against the edge of a fingernail. If she doesn't have someone else's fingernail available, she will sweep her thumb against the fingers of the same hand.

And so we now understand one of Lily's idiosyncrasies. Just one of those things that make her unique. But! Would you have guessed that this manner of fidgeting is somehow genetic? Indeed! Her father has the exact same fidgeting mannerisms. He used to absent-mindedly scrape his thumb print against my fingernails until I made him stop because it felt creepy. He gravitates toward gently feeling textures, especially textiles, with his fingertips.

Isn't that weird? I mean, Lily's habit is mildly weird enough without the genetic component making it slightly weirder than mildly weird. That's JMVVHO (just my very, very humble opinion). The end!

ETA: Erich reminds me that his brother, Lily's youngest uncle had a hair fetish for years and years. He mainly liked to stroke it. Erich feels textures. Marry those two traits and you get Liy, feeling the texture of hair. Alles klar? Too bad, I'm really done now.

Happy Reformation Day!

2010-10-31T22:57:00.002-05:00

The Reformation IS all about:

The Gospel.
Namely, the retention of the Gospel message as clearly defined in scripture.
The Law also--a proper understanding of Law and Gospel.
Sola Fide, Sola Gratia, Sola Scriptura. As in, we are saved by faith alone through grace alone, and this truth is found in scripture alone. Tradition is good and reliable, too--as long as it does not contradict scripture.

The Reformation is NOT all about:

Sticking it to the man because that's what Luther did. (That's not exactly true.)
Changing things, rebelling against the status quo.
Beer and brats. (Though we do really like these things.)
Halloween. (It's just a coincidence.)

And the Winner is...

2010-10-30T22:30:00.001-05:00

Erich. He got off to a slow start this morning by being absent (I guess he likes to catch up on Saturdays too???), but he made up for it later by:

1. Doing a bunch of laundry (Be still my heart. I mean, I'm actually starting to really like laundry. But there was more to do than I had time to do before it needed to be done. As in, Baby was going to have to go naked or something.)

2. Making brinner. Including fresh green onions from the garden. It was sooooo good, especially since I forgot to eat for about seven hours in there and I got HONGRY.

3. Helping deal with the crazy baby.

Crazy baby. Seriously, what's gotten in to her?

Sadly, I don't ever get much of a break, since she won't ever stop crying till I swoop in for the (always temporary) save. Having a nine-month-old is hard. :(

Anyway, thanks, Mr. Man. You win.

Addenda

2010-10-29T23:59:00.001-05:00

1. I left one item off the nickname list: Chica Girl. Also, Erich prefers the spelling "Lilo-zeen," à la Strong Bad.

2. Tonight, we are not Cheap and Boring. We went to a Japanese steakhouse, didn't worry about prices, ate till we were only semi-uncomfortably full, had good beer, sashimi and maki, hibachi, and generally had a very nice time. And Lily even ate salad, stir-fried veggies and rice! Then Erich made a Meijer run and got Lily a Halloween costume on clearance. Yay!

3. I have to step it up for NaBloPoMo, as I'm not going to get this posted before midnight. I'm going to cheat so it looks like I did, though, and I won't feel bad about it NEETHER. (The beer was good, remember.)

4. Sleep is much better during the day now, but Lilla-Miss Teeny Tiny Loysel Toysel Chica Girl takes FOREVER to go to bed for the night. I don't like letting her cry, but I'd read/listen to any wisdom or advice anyone can offer on that one.

5. Just saw a commercial for an SNL special. WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO CHERI OTERI'S FACE??????

It was horrifying. ...Happy Halloween?

Cheap and Boring

2010-10-28T18:03:00.000-05:00

I didn't go to my high school prom. I wasn't asked by anyone (not even an uggo! how pathetic!), and I didn't see the point in spending a ton of money to try to go with a girlfriend or something. I still don't regret this.

***

Erich and I still have done nothing to celebrate our third anniversary, which was over a month ago. We meant to do something special, but we just never got around to it. C'est la vie!

***

It would be really difficult for us to spend any less money on clothing than we already do. Even though almost nothing fits, I would rather keep washing what does fit than go shopping and spend money (two loathsome activities).

***

We have no plans for Halloween. Therefore, and quite naturally, given the above, I couldn't bring myself to buy a costume for Lily. It just seems like so much to spend for a near-non-event. However, cuteness will be missed. It is her first Halloween and all. But it may be moot by now anyway: there's only two more shopping days till the day, and I'm sure there are no good costumes left.

And that is how I succeed so well at being cheap and boring: I just drag my heels, not wanting to spend money, until it's too late to do so anyway.

The end.

SoBloPo

2010-10-27T22:55:00.000-05:00

I'm trying this new thing where I post in my blog every day. See, last year I toyed with the idea of doing NaNoWriMo for my last childless November. Eventually, I just said naahhhh.

I toyed with the idea again this year, extremely briefly. It's out of the question, though. I realized that I have this blog, and I shouldn't even consider trying to write 50,000 words in a month if I can't even take the time to write in my blog every day

So, here I am! NaBloPoMo. I will post every day, no matter how short or inane. You're welcome.

Nicknames

2010-10-27T22:47:00.000-05:00

Erich is a champion nicknamer. And by "champion" I mean he comes up with really weird nicknames that stick for whatever reason. We're odd.

For example, the many nicknames of Lily:

Lilz
Lilith
Liliana
Leusel Teusel
Kiddo Kid
Little Tiny
Lili-tiny
Lee-lee

And the latest... Lilosine. (Rhymes with "limosine.")

Odd, I tell you.

A Teensy Bit About Politics

2010-10-26T23:27:00.000-05:00

There seems to be a certain mindset among a lot of people of all sorts of persuasions that those who don't agree with them must be ignorant, or worse, insane.

For example, I hold certain views and values that, depending on who you ask, could get me labeled racist, homophobic, crazy religious, xenophobic, hippy, self-righteous, negligent, and the list could go on and on. For every single issue I have an opinion about, there is someone on the opposite end of the spectrum who would think I must be deranged.

Actually, I'm not crazy. And I don't believe I suffer from Obama Underappreciation Syndrome. And I can believe certain things are wrong without actually being afraid of them.

Sometimes I do feel pretty alone in my peer groups for being politically conservative. I have a lot of friends whose opinions differ greatly from mine. I try my best to assume that their beliefs come from true informed conviction (even though I know how much easier it would be to drift with the tides of popular culture), as I hope they do the same for me.

What saddens me the most is how much political discourse actually happens on the Internet and on Facebook and NOT in real life. It feels safer to just put something out there (much like I'm doing here with this blog post) than to actually learn something from someone and have a real discussion.

Alas, maybe there is just a little bit too much fear for that ever to happen. We have this great freedom of expression and all kinds of pressure to waive it lest we step on toes or, heaven forbid, hurt someone's feelings. It all kind of strips the joy from having that freedom in the first place.

This is my promise to everyone who reads this: If you ever want to take me to task on something I have said or that you think I believe, please do. We can still be friends and/or family members. I would relish the challenge of defending my views as well as the opportunity to learn something from you. I would just prefer to have such discussions one-on-one rather than in a public forum setting where so much can be misconstrued and so much offense could be given to random scrollers-by.

That concludes my thoughts on politics for the year.*

*Not a guarantee. ;)

I Mean, We Love Sleep!

2010-10-25T13:26:00.000-05:00

Two epiphanies today:

1. Erich was on a work call when Lily and I got up. She was being noisy and wiggly, so rather than try to wrestle her, I plopped her in the high chair and gave her some apple while I had my breakfast. She loved it! The girl is ready for more solids. It's time to sit her down and give her food at meal times. (Lately we've been doing that only at dinnertime and only when convenient.) Gotta sow the seeds for future routines!

2. Sleep regressions are good for hitting the reset button on my expectations. Not expecting any naps today (hey, aim low), I was so delighted when she actually went to sleep that I got BUSY and got some things accomplished around the house. Two hours later, I am only just now hearing little wakey sounds.

Hooray.

We H8 Sleep

2010-10-24T23:09:00.006-05:00

This post is dedicated to Google and the Internet in general, which help me know that I'm not alone.

Lily is nine months old. But, like, she's nine months old. She's growing and changing by leaps and bounds every day; sometimes it seems like every hour. And for some reason with all these amazing physical and cognitive changes comes a real strain in her relationship with sleep.

Something similar happened at four months. She went from being happy when held or lying on the floor, just smiling and interacting with whoever was holding her, going to sleep when she was tired... to having her whole world open up. Even though it was a while yet before she started actually moving around, she started really noticing things across the room. She was starting the long process of teething. It seemed like lots of little changes and new things (laughing! grasping toys! etc!) all came together and combined to create a perfect storm of sleep-preventing nerve firings. She went from sleeping through the night to waking up 3-4 times or more. Naps were unpredictable at best. We were exhausted.

Everything settled down within a few weeks and the routine was pretty well set for several months.

Now it's all back. If before Lily's world opened up to the size of an average 12x12 room, it is now much larger still--like maybe the size of our whole sharp furniture-filled basement. She went from either sitting still or rolling to crawling and cruising within a week or so. She went from having fun being startled to actually playing peekaboo. (Granted, she doesn't usually successfully cover her eyes, but you can tell by the glint that she's "hiding".) Her body and mind are having trouble keeping up with all these leaps. I can almost see her mind whirring with new discoveries as she fights every last nap and bedtime. It's not her fault--and my knowing this saves her life sometimes, I think--it's just that her nervous system won't let her relax.

Realizing what she's actually going through does help in many ways, but the net result is the same: we're exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Will she ever go back to taking two naps totaling three hours? (I really liked that. I miss that.) Will she ever settle down and be nursed to sleep within 15 minutes again instead of 1.5 hours?

I know she won't be like this when she's 12 or even when she's 3 or 18 months. But...will it get better? Will THIS baby's, this particular, individual, unique baby's routine improve?

If so, for the love of all that's good, please tell me: WHEN???

"But--I'm too cute to be chucked out the window!"

Nine Months!

2010-10-11T22:37:00.002-05:00

This is my 200th post! And it's long overdue. I meant to scribble something when Lily turned eight months, but then it never happened. Now she's been NINE months old for three days!

Major milestones lately! That would bear part of the blame for how little sleep we've gotten lately, but alas, our house has been struck with viruses galore.

Lily has her first full-blown cold. She's had the snifflies and the stuffies before and even had an ear infection at 2 months, but that was so long ago it feels like another life. She's been very congested, making it hard for her to eat and she's been quite fussy and not sleeping well AT ALL, to the extent that I feel like the mother of a newborn again. I did not sign up for this. Luckily, she seems to have turned a corner today and is getting back to her normal perky self. There are other culprits for the fuss, though...

Teeth! Tooth #1 finally emerged on Monday, September 27. Tooth #2 followed six days later. The fussiness ramped up a few days before each tooth, but general teething continues as the top ones make their way down and Lily chews on her molars. Honestly, I don't even know when molars show up, but I'm sure it's not soon. She's just THAT kind of teether.

Crawling! I was starting to wonder if she'd just skip it altogether since she was pretty good at rolling and loves standing and walking (supported). But no, in the past week, she's gone from getting to her hands and knees and swimming around to actually crawling across the floor. At the same time, she's developing some pretty good cruising skills, which means...

Bumps, bruises, and tears, oh my! My life is truly forever changed now. Because she can, she WILL crawl under the dining room table, pull her head up, lose her balance, and hit her head against a chair. She can and has gone from sitting on the changing table to (MOTHER OF THE YEAR ALERT) flipping onto the floor. She has bitten her lip with those shiny new teeth.

Lily's personality continues to emerge to the delight of all who meet her. In the matter of a few days, we watched her go from being surprised by "peekaboo"-type games to playing them herself. Separation anxiety is apparent, but I observe it only when Erich leaves the room. I don't think she cares as much when I leave. She's slightly reserved around strangers at first, but warms up quickly and interacts well unless she's particularly tired or hungry.

In the past couple of weeks, she's started pointing at everything, which is a stage I particularly love in babies. She loves to look at her board books, especially Dr. Seuss's ABC book. She points to the pictures, especially round things like donuts and the orange owl's eyes and then hooks her pointing finger to turn the page. She can entertain herself for a long time by sitting next to her basket full of small toys and emptying it little by little. Otherwise, small toys don't hold much interest and she'd rather have anything that's NOT a toy. We're now lucky if we can convince her to play with a battery-less remote when she's aware of the real one.

She says ma-ma-ma and da-da-da fairly reliably in reference to me and Erich, respectively, but she will almost never say them on command. She babbles up a storm, especially in the morning and when she gets up from a nap: "Ba ba BAH. Weh wwwehhhh. Mo muh mah mm muh." She loves listening to her voice in an echo-y room.

I gave Lily her first haircut last week. It was hard to contemplate at first, but I found myself increasingly annoyed at the tuft on the crown of her head. It had turned into a hugely long mess of wispiness while the rest of her hair grew normally, so I snipped it to match the length with no regrets.

She's in mostly 18 month clothing sizes, with some 12s she won't be able to wear much longer. She's definitely becoming longer and thinner, so the 18s may fit for a while. But I'm a bad size forecaster, so we'll just have to wait and see. As the weather gets colder and she gets closer to walking, I need to get comfortable with a relatively new idea: SHOES. Radical!

I could probably go on, but I shall, Sheherezade-like, leave some things unsaid in the hopes that I may return to this blog and complete the thought.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Mother of the Year: Sticker

2010-08-25T10:42:00.002-05:00

I won't be surprised if this becomes a series. All the reasons I totally deserve the "Mother of the Year" award... NOT.

This past Thursday, Lily enjoyed some avocado. I mean, she really enjoyed it, eating up to a quarter of it, feeding herself with a spoon and all. Yay!

On Friday, Lily and I went to Kohl's to use a coupon. I got a few tops for myself and then went to the baby department to get some new sleepers. Our little porker is busting through her 12-month size sleepers already! I also thought it would be good to stock up on socks before the weather turns cold. I selected a package and handed it to my curious little baby in the stroller. No harm, right?

Five or ten minutes later, she starts coughing. It sounded like she just swallowed her drool wrong. But she gasped a few times, so I checked her mouth. Nothing. I picked her up so she could recover and she quickly returned to normal. The situation was slightly alarming for about 15 seconds, but I didn't think a whole lot of it after it passed.

Sunday night, she had a poop that made me determined that we need a diaper sprayer. Evidence of avocado is all I will say.

Monday, Erich left town for one night. Lily caught up on sleep from a weird weekend, which was great, but she was in worse and worse moods when she was awake. I started wracking my brains trying to figure out what I ate that was so offensive because it really seemed like she had the "dairy crazies." Sure, I had a little bit here and there, but I thought it was acceptable levels. She was way too crazy for acceptable levels of dairy.

Yesterday, I gave her some sweet potato, but she wasn't at all interested in eating. It was our first real miss in the solid foods department. I thought it was weird, but she wasn't sleeping well at all and so that could have been the culprit. Erich came home and validated me: the baby was crazy, and gassy.

This morning, another poop. Horror. I wiped with another diaper and took them to the toilet to swish, whereupon I discovered something unmistakably inorganic. I unfurled the little circle and could just make out some words:

cushion

foot

...

Oh dear. Shame. Head is hanging. Mother of the Year. Those socks, five days ago, had a sticker on them. A removable, eatable sticker. That's what she gagged on. That's what gave her the "dairy crazies." And I was the one who handed it to her.

In conclusion, I'm going to buy a diaper sprayer today.

Oh, and there was a mouse in our kitchen. But that's another story!

Lesson Learned, or Capsaicin is Evil

2010-08-23T22:12:00.004-05:00

I really should have known. But I really did not expect the horror!

Rewind: we have a vegetable garden. Erich has really done a fantastic job with it. He grows several types of peppers, including jalapenos. Erich's dad, a chile aficionado, and his brother were visiting last night en route to moving bro into the dorm for his second year of college.

Erich was making homemade pizza for dinner. He also had a hankering for fresh salsa, so I volunteered to chop and assemble said salsa. I particularly enjoy dicing onions. I started with those, then moved on to the six fresh jalapenos the recipe called for. Erich offered me gloves, but I declined as I thought I would just get it done quickly, wash my hands, and that would be that. I halved them, seeded them and chopped them up. I used the same knife and cutting board and chopped up tomatoes and other ingredients and mixed it all together.

I started to feel a tingle under my ring. I felt a little burning here and there on my knuckles. I used soap and water to wash off the chile juices. Rinse and repeat.... "Wow, my hands are like, on fire," I said, extremely wittily and eloquently. The men of the house all agreed that was weird. Erich asked FIL what he does to get the capsaicin off his hands. Soap and water was the prescribed remedy. "Okay, I'll try that...for the fifth time!" I started to whimper.

And I could no longer use warm water. The burning started to get pretty intense, spreading to all ten fingers, especially concentrated on my knuckles and nail beds. This was pain. Then I couldn't carry anything moderately heavy because the pressure intensified the burning. It truly felt like I had started up a gas burner on the stove and lightly seared my fingers.

Well, I was really feeling bad for myself. I hadn't held Lily in well over an hour and I knew she was going to need to eat eventually, but I was afraid to touch anything. So I did what any Millenial would do in this situation: I asked Dr. Google for help. I was not alone among internet users who had carelessly burned their fingers slicing hot peppers without gloves. What to do, though?

I found a remedy: make a solution, one part bleach, five parts water. Occasionally dip fingers in the solution, which will neutralize the non-water-soluble capsaicin into a salt, which is water-soluble. It didn't seem to help at first, so I poured a bowl of milk to soak my hands. That felt good, I think mainly due to the cool temperature. After a while, I think the bleach solution did work because I could start to function without terrible pain as long as I wasn't gripping anything too tightly.

After testing my still-burning hands on Erich's skin (and determining that my burning was not contagious), I collected my baby, who was ready for bed. I was relieved that my hands weren't going to burn her skin. The worst part of this ordeal was being barred from even holding her until we knew I wouldn't hurt her. (And I won't even get into the issue of an unexpected poop, more solid than it used to be, the pain and yuck-factor in swishing it in the toilet and I'm definitely going to get one of those diaper sprayers... oh, looks like I got into it, sorry.)

The rest of the evening, I was distracted from my pain. As long as my fingers still smelled like the lobby of a hotel with a pool, I could function. They were STILL throbbing when I went to sleep as the bleach faded. I woke up and they seemed okay, except when any significant pressure was placed on them. After my warm shower today, it was as though they were freshly burned for at least half an hour. Even now, about 30 hours later, a slight tingle remains.

I will never, ever, ever even think about handling any combination of knife and hot pepper without gloves on ever again. EVER.

Hungry

2010-08-23T13:12:00.001-05:00

When Lily's hungry, she's a little bit like Mr. Peepers in "Attack Mode."

A Word About Dairy

2010-08-13T10:27:00.003-05:00

I believe I've mentioned before that I'm avoiding dairy as a rule. The reasons are two-fold. 1. It bothers Lily via breastmilk. 2. It bothers me.

Sometimes this is hard for people to understand. What, Lily can't have milk? But her entire diet consists of... milk! How silly. Well, it's actually not that silly.

So here's a handy FAQ!

Q: Is Lily lactose intolerant?

A: No. It is extremely rare for a baby to be lactose intolerant, and it may even be impossible. My human milk is full of lactose and she's fine with it. So, again, the issue here is not with lactose.

Q: Is Lily allergic to dairy?

A: No. A true allergy to dairy protein is rare and would result in severe reactions to even a little bit of dairy in my diet. Her reactions are not nearly severe enough to make me suspect an allergy. Her problem seems to be a sensitivity, or intolerance.

Q: Then how do you know she has a problem?

A. The answer to this question derives from a bit of intuition and some simple non-scientific experiments. And, be forewarned, the following paragraphs will talk quite a bit about baby poop.

When Lily was super tiny, she pooped frequently like all newborns do. I started noticing more and more that her poop, instead of being nice and mustard-yellow and seedy, was increasingly green-colored, mucus-y, and watery. And as she got to the age when most babies start consolidating their poops, she continued to poop quite frequently (12x a day). The green mucus concerned me. The lactation consultant and the doctor told me to keep an eye on it but weren't too concerned since she was definitely healthy and gaining weight appropriately. It didn't get worse, but it also did not improve. She also had eczema, skin rashes--both of which she would scratch until she bled--and itchy nose and congestion. Her worst poop days were accompanied by extra fussiness and gas. I must note that Lily is a very easy baby. She has a very even temperament and rarely cries. So her "extra fussiness" probably served to put her in the category of an average baby. But I know my baby, and I knew that she was uncomfortable.

I knew also, from my reading, that it's common for little breastfed babies to be sensitive to certain foods in the mother's diet. Gas-causing vegetables, eggs, meat, and dairy are a few common ones. Usually they outgrow these things. I was very loath to cut anything out of my diet; I simply didn't want to deprive myself of whatever I felt like eating, and I love my ice cream and mac 'n' cheese. But I was also tired of being the "poop-nazi," carefully inspecting every diaper, waiting to see if she outgrew her apparent sensitivity with no action on my part. On a few separate occasions, I cut back on dairy and noticed some improvement. But then we'd have pizza for dinner or I'd have a little of this, a little of that and then we were back to mucus poops and fussiness. Finally, around 3.5months, I decided enough was enough: NO MORE DAIRY.

Even so, I eliminated only obvious dairy. I would still have baked goods, things fried in butter, etc. Again, Lily was not in poor health, I just knew she wasn't feeling well. Within a week of dairy elimination, the poop problems, gas and fussiness, and head-scratching were much improved. I seemed to have my answer. Lily seemed to be much happier for much more of the day, and I was very happy as well.

Q: Would it help if you switched to baby formula?

A. Seeing as formula is made from cow's milk...no. Furthermore, many babies who are sensitive to dairy are also sensitive to soy (my non-scientific experimentation bears this out). That would have me paying top-dollar for nasty hypoallergenic formula. It's far less inconvenient for me to simply alter my diet and for Lily and me to keep receiving all the other benefits of breastfeeding. And what a travesty it would be to have switched to formula and gone through even more problems and detective work without having the option to go back to breastfeeding. For, when it comes to breastmilk, if you don't use it, you lose it.

Q: So, will she outgrow this?

A: All signs point to yes. When I first eliminated dairy, even slight deviations from the rule seemed to make her symptoms come roaring back. Now, if I happen to have something with a little cheese or one spoonful of ice cream, she seems unaffected. However, if I were to treat myself to a full serving of dairy, I believe we would pay for it.

Some of her issues remain. She still scratches her forehead, but we do a better job of keeping her tiny nails trimmed, so she no longer breaks the skin. She still gets nasal congestion and rubs her nose a lot. She still gets mucus in her diaper from time to time, but she no longer gets diarrhea. It's possible that she's sensitive to other foods (crazy fussiness this morning has me suspecting beef), but she's healthy and happy, and I know when to stop obsessing. Some of those closest to me might have trouble believing that, but I promise it's true! :)

Q: Isn't this so annoying for you? You love dairy! I couldn't live without dairy!

A: At first, it was a bit inconvenient. But I had long suspected a dairy intolerance of my own. Sure enough, once it was all out of my system, I truly did not miss it. I used to crave cheese like crazy, and now I don't crave it at all. When I'm with family and everyone else is having ice cream for dessert, I'm not the least bit jealous. I'm far less prone to bloating and digestive discomfort. I feel happier in general. I do not miss dairy. I plan on continuing to avoid it as a rule, even when Lily is weaned and enjoying cow's milk and cheese.

Food intolerances are more common than most people think, and this whole process has made me more aware of those foods that seem to trigger bad reactions in me. When certain foods are simply not an option, it makes me work harder to eat healthfully. I feel like my entire day-to-day life has improved. In short, I do not feel as though I have been sentenced to a sad, dairy-free existence. I am happy!

In conclusion...

Lily is a sensitive baby. Certain foods irritate her. She has very sensitive skin. Most lotions, body wash and detergents give her rashes. And now I'm finding with solid foods, very rarely does she have no reaction. Banana gives her a rash. Toast made her gassy. Potato (or maybe the little bit of onion or butter it was cooked with) gives her a rash. I've been calling myself lazy because I don't give her much solid food, but these sensitivities are the reason why I'm a little skittish. So, at seven months of age, she continues to be 99% breastfed. She doesn't need cereal or purees for nutrition and they don't serve any function in teaching her how to eat, so I'm going to keep giving her what's best and let everything else happen organically.

Kellymom.com is a well-respected source for breastfeeding information. A got a lot of my facts from here.

Seven Months

2010-08-09T14:10:00.004-05:00

Lily's been sitting up for a while, but lately she's gotten to be quite the pro! With the Boppy positioned around her, she doesn't tumble to the ground so easily.

I have to share this video from today. She was really loving the camera!

And, by the way, Miss Lily turned seven months yesterday! That made me realize that this kid is closer to one year than birth. And the shades of toddlerhood are just starting to reveal themselves. With the smiles and interaction come. . .opinions. Not always a bad thing, but a small child does not know how to manage her opinions, so I will have to do a lot of that for her. No, this paper napkin is not appropriate to play with. Yes, I know you want that napkin, but you can have this toy. Oh, you still want that napkin even though you can't see it anymore. WHINING WILL NOT BE TOLERATED, YOUNG LADY. Ahem.

But on the more delightful side of Lily's opinions, she is showing herself to be quite the daddy's girl. Not only is my former mini-me looking more like Erich, she also looks for him, smiles at his presence, giggles with him and generally seems to prefer when he's around. This makes his short trips out of town a bit more challenging, but we shall manage.

What else? She's saying "ma-ma-ma" but I'm not quite sure if it means anything yet. Sometimes she babbles up a storm. On the solid food front, after being lazy and out of our routine for a few weeks, I've resumed high chair time. Today she attacked some sweet potato, and I think she may have swallowed up to half of what she played with! [Or, for the grammar nazis, "up to half of that with which she played."] Her very functional gag reflex (gag, cough, smile, dribble, smile) rejected the rest.

And that's all I've got for now.

Solid Foods

2010-07-09T00:06:00.002-05:00

Six months today! One big six-month milestone is the introduction of solid foods. Lily's been watching us eat pretty closely for several weeks. She has also started making chewing motions when we eat and reaching for our food. AND she's really good at grasping objects and bringing them to her mouth. All these are good signs that she's ready to start the process of eating like a big girl. And even though she's only my first baby, I can't say I'm thrilled with how quickly this is all happening. It feels like the beginning of the end of her babyhood (as well as, let's face it, glorious lactational amenorrhea).

We've decided that baby-led weaning is the way to go. Breastfeeding is so ridiculously foolproof--nature's orginal supply-and-demand system--that I don't want to start really complicating my life with cereals and purees that Lily doesn't actually need for nutrition. Transitioning to solids right now is about her learning how to feed herself, not about getting more food stuffed in her face.

Monday night we sat her in the high chair with food for the first time. We happened to be eating some potatoes, so I put a few specks on her tray.

I quickly realized (duh) that said specks were a little too tiny for her to grasp at this stage in her fine motor development.

So she was more interested in her surroundings, including this tasty tray.

The next day, she was getting bored and squirmy, so we tried some toast. That was really fun to play with!

And once I demonstrated to her that it was for eating, she started putting it in her mouth. At least a few crumbs got swallowed.

Finally, yesterday we had some cauliflower and broccoli, of which I gave her a piece of each. Another slice of toast rounded out her collection of high chair tray toys:

"Yay, toys!"

"Still not sure this is really food. But it is a crumbly toy."

"Must study. Must concentrate."

(This broccoli was actually a little too al dente for actual baby consumption. Next time will be better!)

"Crumbs. I gots 'em."

We didn't get around to any high chair time today. But I did pick up more baby-friendly foods like sweet potatoes, bananas, avocados and other fruits at the store. Can't wait for more sessions of food discovery!

Nearly Six Months

2010-07-07T16:34:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow, my little lady baby will be six months old. So much development in so little time! I mean, she's gone from this:

To this:

In a matter of a few short months!

And I'm blessed with a remarkably easy baby. Despite the endless months of teething that have yet to yield any fruit, a dairy sensitivity and just about every mild-to-moderate infant skin condition known to medicine, Lily is pretty easy to please. And when she isn't, she makes up for it by coming up with a new trick a few days later. Two weeks ago, I started to think she'd never be a roller, since she hadn't rolled over yet. Well, now she rolls every which way and with purpose. Just when I thought she'd never take regular naps (I went a little bit crazy almost every day during her fifth month of life), she's settling into a predictable pattern, which lets me get a lot more done around the house.

I have to continually remind myself of all of the above on days like today and yesterday. Lily must be cooking up something grand (a tooth?!?!? I can only hope; it's probably just a growth spurt) because she's been a bit difficult.

She was happy in the walker for a while:

But that got old, so we moved to the floor:

This child wants to go from flat on her back straight to sitting up. She dreams big.

But then a common scenario from yesterday started to repeat itself: a well-fed and comfortable baby doesn't want to be put down but writhes and kicks when held. As she started to slump over, fighting an afternoon nap

I decided to just flip her over and drape her over my lap.

And wouldn't you know it...

My counterbalancing right hand looks creepy! I mean, she liked it!

In fact, she's getting a bit comfortable. Could it be?

Yes! It's a nap!

And there she still is, pacifier spit out and on the floor. Could someone please bring me a glass of water?

Cloth Diapers: Making It Work

2010-05-01T10:28:00.003-05:00

So I have all these diapers--35 now as I just got a new Gro Baby shell and three more liners. They stay nicely folded and prepared on the shelves under the changing table. From there they get snapped or velcro-ed onto my daughter. Then she soils them. So what next?

Cloth wipes. I have a variety. Five of them came with a Happy Heinys starter set I was given. Those are a bit thick for me. A friend gave me about a dozen, which are handmade and two layers with flannel on one side and terry on the other. Then I got a bunch more at my local cloth diaper store which are just plain cotton flannel squares, and we like them. They are easy to grab and manipulate and they're most like 'sposie wipes. The very great advantage of cloth wipes is that there's no need to separate them from the cloth diapers to throw them away. To prep them, I fold them interleaving (sometimes feels over-the-top, but it sure is convenient when changing a diaper!), soak them in water with a few drops of tea tree oil, squeeze out the excess moisture and store them in a wipes warmer. A good friend clued me in to that method. Lots of cloth diaper companies make a spray to use with dry wipes, but I don't think it's worth it. It just never feels wet enough to get baby's bottom clean enough.
Wet bag. We have two size large totes to alternate. Right now we put it in the Diaper Champ, but it doesn't work very well for cloth diapers, so we intend to get a simple step can to help contain smells. Since Lily is totally breastfed, there's no need to involve the toilet in this stage. We just fold the diaper and pop it in the wet bag. On laundry day, everything goes in the washer, wet bag included.
On-the-go Wet Bag. I got this as a gift and I loooooooove it. It's a must have, really. It makes it not gross to have wet and poopy diapers in my diaper bag. We also have a small one which I use to pack cloth wipes on the go.

As I said, there is no need yet to involve the toilet. (Hey, did you know that per disposable diaper package directions, you're supposed to dispose of solid waste in your toilet?) But when Lily starts eating solid foods in a few months, we won't be able to just throw everything in the washing machine. That's where flushable diaper liners or a sprayer might come in handy. We'll have to try different things to see what works, and I'll get back to you.

So, laundry! Really not that big of a deal. It's maybe an extra 2-3 loads per week. So the diapers are in the wet bag and ready to be washed. I throw them in the washing machine and do a rinse cycle. Next, I run a full wash cycle on hot (my machine does only cold rinses) using cloth diaper detergent. (I'm going to try different detergents in the future, but it's important that they're additive-free.) It's recommended to use only a little bit of detergent, and no one is kidding when they say that! I've had the problem lately where the diapers smell fine coming out of the dryer, but they smell horrible when they're wet or soiled, the culprit most likely detergent residue (or maybe too much tea tree oil on my wipes? not sure). I had to strip them, putting through the rinse cycle multiple times with a little bit of dish detergent. This has mostly helped, but I still have some problems with my bum Genius diapers repelling moisture. I'm still learning this laundry schtick, but I promise it's not much trouble at all!

After the full wash cycle, I do another rinse to get all the residue out, then I put them all in the dryer! The end! Clean diapers to fold and stuff and otherwise prepare, just like hanging and folding freshly laundered clothes.

So that's cloth diapering. Not any more gross than 'sposies, no multiple extra bags of heavy, stinky trash to drag to the curb each week, they're more comfortable for baby and free of rash- and burn-causing chemicals, they're way cheaper in the long run, and they're CUTE. That's win-win-win-win-win. And I didn't even mention the environment.*

*I wouldn't call myself an environmentalist, but I think we can all agree it is a good thing to waste as little as possible. Disposable diapers account for a LOT of trash, y'all.

Unfashionable Frugality

2010-04-27T15:51:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about saving money, especially in light of cloth diapering, and all the fun ways to do it. Repurposing items around the house can be fun. We're planting a vegetable garden this year--fun and we get to eat the harvest! I'm even considering baking bread.

There are many other ways of saving money that are harder to brag about. (And really, one should never be boastful about these things anyway, but if it's about sharing fun, what's the harm in that?) Like our dented, uncomfortable old Buick that's hard to move the car seat in and out of. It is by no means a "sweet ride," but it's paid off, it runs, and it saves us money. Same goes for the old manual transmission Ford Focus. It has relatively good gas mileage, gets us from Point A to Point B and, most importantly, it's paid off. The imaginary van I'm drooling over will have to wait for another year because we don't yet NEED another car, and we can get by on what we have, Joneses be darned.

Take also the stroller. I paid nothing for this stroller. My mom scored it at a garage sale and didn't ask me to pay her back. It also came with an infant carrier and two car bases for said carrier. We got a new car seat/carrier (actually a gift) for safety reasons, but it fits with this stroller. But they don't match! The stroller is scratched and dirty! And they don't match! The print is not completely to my taste!

But: Who cares? It works and it was free. We did not have to buy an expensive stroller so that I could push my baby around.

I read this post shared on my Google Reader yesterday. It is so very true. I don't have to listen to or worry about the people who would judge me for driving around an unattractive old car or pushing around an unattractive old stroller. The thing is, I don't hear anyone passing judgments. They might do so silently and I really can't care about that. What's harder to ignore is that voice in my head that says I'm not quite good enough if I don't have nice, clean, new gear. Is that because I might unfairly judge someone else in my exact situation? Or perhaps I'm too harsh on myself. It's not others who can't let go and for whom I'll never be good enough, it's me.

What I would add to The Simple Dollar is that it isn't You against The World. You don't need to imagine that everyone is judging you for driving a beater, for living in a tiny apartment, for not eating out on a regular basis. And you surely do not need to make excuses to them--or yourself!--for making wise decisions with your money. The end!

I resolve to do the same. My infant carrier and stroller do not match. No excuses necessary.

Cloth Diapers: Growing the Stash

2010-04-26T10:22:00.005-05:00

Now that I am a mother to an outside-baby and my piano student load is reduced to nearly nothing (really--I currently have one student, and that is just fabulous with me), I consider it an important part of my job as a mostly-SAHM to save money wherever possible.

Two of the ways I do that is by breastfeeding and using cloth diapers. So far, baby has not come with much extra regular expense. That being said, we are still building that cloth diaper stash, so that's a bit expensive until said stash is really complete. And then there's the fact that a lot of cloth diapers are really cute and fun to buy, so I have to be careful not to drop too much cash on them. (Babies also need more and more and more clothes and other important supplies, but I shall not further digress in this post.)

So, cloth diapers. They've come a loooong way since I was a baby, and even a long way in the past few years, so if you're first reaction is "Eeeeuuuwwww, why would you do that to yourself?" then read on. And definitely read on if you have or intend to have a baby and would consider the fun and thrift of cloth diapering.

About midway through pregnancy, I starting considering cloth and researched like CRAZY, often spending way too much time Googling and seeking out information on how this works, what you need to do it, etc. I posted inquiries on internet forums, I emailed everyone I know who uses or has used cloth diapers to get their input. Everyone told me something slightly different, but the recurring theme was that it's good to try different things and see what works for your baby.

I've been slowly accumulating my stash since October-ish, and now that I feel pretty set, Lily is outgrowing her smallest diapers. The adventure continues!

For now, this is what I have. Category #1 is relatively inexpensive basics:

12 Unbleached Chinese Prefold Diapers. These are diaper service quality diapers, so they hold a lot more than the package of Gerber diapers found on the bottom shelf at Target. They are inexpensive and useful for when we're just hanging around the house, so I consider them the rice in the greater diaper dish.
3 Thirsties Duo Wrap covers. All three are size one, but as Lily is quite long for her age and weight, I will need to get the larger size soon. I usually just lay a folded prefold in the cover then put it on her. The wrap keeps the diaper in place; no pins required! The velcro enclosure and double leg gussets ensures no leaks. Really, even big poops and heavy wets never, ever leave this cover. The same cannot be said for most disposables we've used. I have found that I'll probably want more than three in the next size.
1 Kissaluvs Contour diaper. I don't love this one, which is why I haven't bought any more. It may need still a few more washings to get to full absorbency, but it doesn't seem to hold a lot and the contour shape is kind of unnecessary and just makes it harder to put on.
3 Snappis diaper fasteners. I just bought these last week, and don't need them much since the covers hold the prefolds, but they work well with the contour. And it's nice to have them on hand when they're called for. Putting on a prefold with a Snappi under the cover ensures the cover will not get soiled, but it adds a complicated step to the diapering process, especially now that Lily immediately thrashes her legs joyously as soon as she's un-diapered. We may need them when she becomes more mobile; we shall see.

Category #2 is Pocket Diapers. Pockets are great but closer to the expensive end of the spectrum. They consist of a PUL shell sewn onto some kind of moisture-wicking fabric that goes against baby's skin. It is then stuffed with some sort of absorbent liner, usually microfiber. Pockets are fairly versatile in that you can add a doubler easily to increase absorbency and the fact that you can unstuff it for laundering means it dries relatively quickly. However, unlike prefolds and covers, the entire diaper is done once soiled--there's no reusing the cover. But pockets are very Daddy- and babysitter-friendly and way easy to use. Here's our stash:

3 bum Genius 3.0 pocket diapers. These are our favorite pockets. They can get completely soaked and never leak. They are easy to use and fit just like disposables, only better. And they are one size, which means Lily can wear the same diapers through toddlerhood, thanks to easy snap-down sizing.
3 Happy Heinys one-size pocket diapers. (Link goes to snaps, we have velcro.) These were a gift and are almost as good as the bum Genius. The velcro is a little harder to get just right and the laundry tabs don't work very well, leading to a chain of diapers in the dryer. I'm very glad to have these, though.
4 Fuzzi Bunz size small pocket diapers. These were another gift and I like them. Lily will outgrow them soon, though, and I don't think I'll replace them with a bigger size. They are the only cloth diapers she's blown out of more than once, and I think it's because it's difficult to get that perfect fit with the snaps. Snaps will last longer than velcro at the cost of good fit, unfortunately.

Category #3 is fancy primo diapers:

1 bum Genius size medium All-in-One diaper. Just like the pocket only sized and the absorbent part is sewn into the diaper. There's still a pocket for adding absorbency. I got this diaper for free with a coupon. I love the color, but my only experience so far is that it takes FOREVER to dry. I put it on Lily for the first time this morning and she immediately pooped in it. So... I think she likes it!
1 Flip diaper with stay-dry liner. I love the idea of Flip, a system that's essentially all-in-two. It's from the makers of bum Genius, so the moisture wicking is great. However, the cover leaves much to be desired and the more I use it, the less I like it. The liner tends to slide around in the cover. Poops inevitably get all over the cover, so I have to wash it too often for my taste.
3 Gro Baby one size diaper system. We also have two extra 2-packs of liners and one extra package of two boosters for extra absorbency. So that's three shells, 5 boosters and 7 liners. We LOVE Gro Baby. They have never, ever leaked or blown out. The aplix allows for a perfect, unique fit. The liners soak up a lot and snap into the shells. If they get wet or soiled, you can remove them and reuse the shell. So easy and the best of everything when comparing prefolds, all-in-ones and pockets. If we wanted to, we could get disposable liners for the shells, but I don't see the point. I would never compost my diapers, and regular 'sposies are cheaper. But it's a great system, and all future additions to the stash will most likely be Gro Baby. It's more expensive than Flip, but it's a better system overall.

And that's the stash for a total of 32 diapers. Next up: accessories and laundering!

Posterity

2010-04-05T09:55:00.003-05:00

Hello, blog! I've taken a three-month maternity leave from you. I'm back, but as always, I can't make promises as to my future commitment to this blog.

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Alleluia! That means Holy Week is over, and boy am I ready for a break.

Our Easter Lily baby will be three months old this Thursday. She's more like a baby and less like a newborn every day, and that's just delightful. I had to play single mom last week. Erich was out of town from Monday morning to Thursday afternoon. Unfortunately, this trip coincided with a bad virus I was fighting, so that made the single parenthood that much harder.

Lily is totally breastfed, so every time I knew I was going to be away from her, I had to pump some milk for her. Monday morning I pumped, and Monday evening I left her with my sister-in-law/next door neighbor while I rehearsed the bell choir at church. I returned to her crying for food--the milk I left was only just enough.

Tuesday I decided to hang out at my parents' house. That usually happens about once a week. Getting out of the house to get extra help with Lily is essential to my sanity. My mom and I went to Target to get some necessary items, but we couldn't get them all because my malaise required rest. Oh, and Lily absolutely refused to nap. She wasn't particularly fussy, just wakeful.

And see, at this point, I was only trying to get to Thursday when Erich would be home! Wednesday brought new challenges. I had to make sure I had enough milk to leave with SIL/neighbor for choir rehearsal that night--the Holy Week Mega-Rehearsal. My mom was nice enough to come over beforehand to make dinner, and we ate with brother, SIL, and niece. Then we were off to the rehearsal scheduled from 7-9, but for me actually went till a little after 10. Hey, it's Holy Week! I rushed home to my baby, who, unaware of my exhaustion, continued to stay awake until 2ish, as is her habit.

I really don't know how single moms do it.

Thursday I counted down the hours and Erich finally came home about 3pm. I got some laundry and cleaning done and then we went to church. I was the official director of the choir, the women of the church adult choir. We warmed up then had a little bit of time before the service so I could pump. I helped wrangle the baby as much as I could in between leading the liturgy. After church back at home, I had to practice organ. Luckily, we happen to be housing a pretty nice electronic organ at our house until the church can use it. Erich watched Lily and TV while I practiced for Good Friday.

On Friday, I had to practice at church. I took Lily with me and got there around noon. All that listening to organ music in the womb must have done her well because even though she was awake, she listened patiently while I practiced. She was done about the time I was done, so I took her to my parents' house. I watched her there until it was time to go play for the 4:00 service. I pumped during the sermon. I met Erich back at my parents' house afterward and ate my dad's fried shrimp in between feeding the baby. It was back to church at 6:30 to warm up with the choir for the Tenebrae service. Lily did pretty well. My mom held her while Erich and I led the litany. When the lights went out at the sanctuary was all dark, Lily started squawking. Such a baby, afraid of the dark! So Erich took her out and all was well.

Saturday I got to practice organ at church sans Lily, but not before I fed her! We were back at church again at 6:30 so I could warm up the bell choir, assign percussion parts for The Song of the Three Young Men, and rehearse other liturgical enhancements. After The First Song of Isaiah as the Vigil started, Lily was hungry and I had a long stretch of time when I wasn't directly needed, so I fed her. I snuck back into church in time for "All You Works of God, Bless the Lord." After the baptisms and confirmations, I played organ for the rest of the service. We were done around 9, and I was hungry! We wanted to stop for Mexican, so we got Lily in the carseat and left. She got hungry and very distressed in the car, however, so we had to stop on the way so I could feed her in a parking lot. It was Mexican or bust, so we continued on our way and I was able to eat at home before she needed my attention again. We got to bed late, as usual.

I opted out of the sunrise service. It's just too hard. Erich left at six to play trumpet. I got up, got Lily up around seven (ouch. It goes against the grain to wake up a baby who would have easily slept two more hours.) and got to church at 7:45. I grabbed a quick youth group-sponsored breakfast then left Lily with Erich while I went to warm up with the choir. I had to leave that early to make sure Erich was properly outfitted with baby supplies. Then I discovered I had ten minutes before the 8:30 service started, so I went to discreetly pump in the sacristy. Thankfully the pastor didn't mind. ("Everyone needs their Easter breakfast!") Lily slept through that service, which ended at 9:50. I changed her diaper before the 10:00 service then handed her off to SIL, who gave her the bottle I had pumped earlier.

The choir sang the preservice music and had a prelude after the confession and absolution. Lily quickly finished her bottle and squawked for more. I looked in the bulletin and saw that after the prelude, there was the processional hymn, Kyrie, festival canticle, collect of the day, Old Testament reading... and THEN the big 6-part choral gradual that I couldn't miss. I decided to skip the prelude and whisked Lily to the nursery. She fed in an unhurried manner and was happy. I got her back into church, casually slipped my choir robe back on and was zipping it up as the choir moved into position for the gradual. Smooth!

The choir was done before the sermon, so I took two trips in and out of church to take out the baby and her accompanying supplies. And after that whirlwind weekend, I was done and home by 11am. Erich, who had finished out the rest of the service on trumpet, joined me soon afterward. We were at my parents' house and relaxing by 1pm. And then, I stopped living one hour at a time and realized I worked my tail off in a totally different way from most years. Erich and I couldn't have done it without help, particularly from mom and SIL.

So this post may not be that interesting, but some day I'm going to forget what it was like to tackle Holy Week as a church musician and nursing mother to an almost three-month-old. And then I'll reread this and be like, "Oh yeah. I don't remember that."

New Year's Survey

2010-01-01T11:27:00.006-06:00

I did this post last year, and it's interesting to go back and see how much has changed (or in some cases, not changed at all or been eerily similar). So here it is again, updated for 2009!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Purchased real estate. We're homeowners now!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I weakly resolved to lose weight last year, but what I really wanted was to get pregnant and stay that way, which is directly contradictory. The latter happened and instead of losing ANY weight, I've gained about 40 pounds. On the plus side, I do intend to get into shape for real this year, and I'm fairly confident I can lose at least 20 pounds in the first month.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My SIL. (This is UNCHANGED from last year. She had another baby, bless her heart.)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one already born and close to me has died, but the tragedy of miscarriage struck our family again.

5. What countries did you visit?
Alas, no travels abroad this year. But we did go to Portland, which was a completely new part of this country for me. And the UP is pretty darn close to Canada, so we got around.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
I got what I wanted from last year! Well, the baby is still technically on the way, but her presence is obvious. We also have a house. I'm looking forward to peace and stability in 2010. More materially, I wish for good and affordable home improvements.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
I really can't think of any. I tried not to focus too much on specific dates and milestones but simply celebrate each day of being pregnant with a healthy baby as a gift.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Besides remaining somewhat sane during early pregnancy and keeping a healthy attitude throughout, I had some moments of personal growth in the professional arena. I feel more and more mature and confident in my church music and piano teaching with each passing year. I'm also proud of our little work-in-progress house.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Sometimes I feel like losing so many students from Spring to Fall was a bit of a failure, but I realize I can't blame myself. My failures usually involve not getting around to something I was hoping to get done and there was PLENTY of that to go around.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Back in March, I had the kind of virus that put me in bed for a week with a fever. A FEVER. I haven't had a fever or an illness that bad since I was kid, if even then. It was just a virus, though, and I did indeed survive. Then I had a nasty cold in May when I was about five weeks pregnant and too nervous to take any effective cold medicine, so that made it less bearable than it would have been. I was healthy as a horse for the following 33 weeks, and now I'm trying to get over a moderate cold before my birthing.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Well, the house probably has to win this one. I have a lot of allowance money saved up since I'm not a natural spender, and I'm trying to figure out how best to spend it. Books? Movies? Games? Clothes/shoes? I'm stumped.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
As always, my family rocks and Erich rocks the absolute most.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The United States Congress wins this distinction.

14. Where did most of your money go?
HOUSE. The house. Our domicile. To every professional who helped us obtain this house. And then more went into the house.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting pregnant and each and every time I heard that beautiful heartbeat.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Um. Probably something by Lady Gaga. That chick is everywhere.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? much, much happier
ii. thinner or fatter? pregnant-er by far (so, fatter)
iii. richer or poorer? more assets, less cash

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastination. That has always been true.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve: two church services where Erich played trumpet and sang in the choir and I simply sat in the pew (weird and amazing), then we had a sleepover at my parents' to try to avoid last year's loneliness. Turns out, our Christmas this year could not possibly have been as bad as last year. Anyway, Christmas Day: church in the morning, back to the parents', big spread of party food for lunch and dinner and relaxing with Christmas movies the rest of the day. We were going to go home but stayed another night because the weather outside was frightful.

Day After Christmas: saw Avatar on IMAX 3-D with some family, which was totally awesome but set me on a pattern of nausea and pre-labor contractions for the rest of the day. Then the whole family met at the parents' for gift exchange and scrumptious dinner.

And just when we thought Christmas was pretty much over, we decided to go see some of the Keller family in Indiana, which turned into a 36-hour succession of meals and fellowship.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Again and again with my husband. (Aaaawwwwww....) <--Keeping this piece of sap from last year.

23. How many one-night stands?
I really could just delete this question. But I don't feel like renumbering everything.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office has sadly slipped down the ladder. That show has a shelf life and I think it was achieved sometime last year. Our current favorites are Community (hilarious), 30Rock, Lost, and Mythbusters.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, hate's not worth the energy.

26. What was the best book you read?
The best non-fiction was The Narcissism Epidemic. The most epic book I read was House of Leaves, which I'm happy that I actually started and finished in 2009 as it required vacations from reading. I re-read the Harry Potter series and still love it. I finally read Animal Farm and 1984, which everyone should read. And I read lots of books on birth and infant care in order to educate myself as much as possible before Lily does all the educating around here.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Can't think of any. I'd like to make some musical discoveries in 2010, whatever that means.

28. What did you want and get?
Rehashing here, but: full-term pregnancy, new house, etc.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Avatar is fresh in my mind since I saw it so recently and it was one of the only movies that I saw in the theater this year. But I really liked it despite a few one-dimensional characters. The overtly environmentalist message I had been warned about didn't end up being too bothersome.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26 last year. We didn't do much that I can recall, but Erich got me a Nintendo Wii, which left my jaw on the floor for days.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I'm pleased and blessed to be able to say I can't think of anything. There was an obvious answer last year, but I think it's much better to not feel the absence of something that deeply.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Hide the fat, then try to look pregnant and not just fat, then try to cover everything that needs to be covered. Pretty simple.

34. What kept you sane?
Family, vacations, projects, and hearing fetal heartbeats.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Meh.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Wasteful spending that most of the country doesn't even want. Ahem, congress. *eye roll*

37. Who did you miss?
Sometimes it gets hard to live so far away from Erich's immediate family. We spend too much time missing them.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Got another new niece this year, Olivia. She's very chill.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
When you're a homeowner, your priorities for improvements can change at the drop of a hat.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your whole year:
I couldn't possibly. This has been a pivotal year that defies summary.

At Last

2009-12-21T14:18:00.002-06:00

Things are changing. Despite the running around I have to do in the next few days for Christmas and the preparations I have to do in the next few weeks for Baby, I feel free!

I just taught my last four piano lessons of the year. I will not resume lessons until March. This past weekend, I played organ for the last time in church and directed the bell choir for the last time. I will not resume either of these activities until March. My time is now my own until Baby arrives.

And, even more exciting, Erich finally finished the semester from H-E-double-hockey-sticks last week. Not only that, but he has maintained his 4.0 GPA. I'm so proud of him, yet I'm even more delighted at the fact that I finally have him back! He's already been able to put much more energy toward household projects than he has in months. His office is closed between Christmas Eve and New Years Day, so he effectively gets to enjoy a bit of a staycation to finally (maybe?) finish the shower he started rebuilding several months ago. He can help me put together baby furniture--finally! We can relax and enjoy our final holiday season together as a family of two. I'm so very excited.

On Wednesday, I will be 37 weeks pregnant. Though this is technically considered "full term," my brain knows better than to expect a birth before the official due date on January 13. But the more ungainly and uncomfortable I become, the more I'm hoping for that tax break 2009 baby. I don't have fear, I'm not nervous, I'm just ready. Emotionally ready, anyway. My patience is greatly helped by the freedom of the next few weeks. I need this time to really ready the nest, but I still need to work on that ever-so-important virtue: PATIENCE!

The Piano Saga

2009-12-18T12:06:00.005-06:00

One of the first big purchases I made after getting married was my very first piano of my own. As a piano teacher, I knew I'd need an instrument to teach on, and I really needed an instrument to practice on as well!

I did a lot of research and went out shopping a few times, and I eventually settled on a new Nordiska from an out-of-the way shop in a tiny south suburb. This shop was owned by Steve, a piano technician, and his wife. I had gotten a very strong endorsement from a trusted mentor-type, and I was pleased with my purchase. It included two free tunings and delivery. Nice!

I got this piano in the late Fall of 2007. Over the following Winter, I noticed a few problems. Actually, Erich was playing around a little bit, working his way through an adult beginning piano method book for fun. When he pressed one of the keys, I noticed it would trill a little bit. (I later learned this is called a "double blow.") I thought it was his untrained touch. But when it started double blowing when I played, and on more and more keys, I got concerned. It also happened all the time with my students. Fed up, I called Steve. He told me he would come look at it but that it was probably a problem with how it was being played. This excuse raised a red flag for me, since pianos are meant to be played softly as well as loud, and though I'm not a professional concert pianist, I think I have enough decent technique that it can't have been my fault. Moreover, this problem never happened in the shop when I played it for over half an hour!

So Steve came, adjusted a few keys but expressed reticence to tamper with the action too much since there would be sacrifices in sound or something. It was better for a little while, then got bad again. My desire to practice at home was squelched, and I had to apologize continually to my students when the piano would not behave for them.

Around April, the weather warmed up, the humidity increased, and the piano seemed to cure itself. Aha! We had a humidity problem! The following Fall, when it started happening again, I called Steve and asked about a Dampp-Chaser. He told me he'd love to sell me one and that it would definitely be good to have, but it's really expensive and I would be just as well off with a big humidifier from a hardware store. He was right! As long as we kept the humidity level above 45% or so, the piano would behave (for the most part). There were added benefits as well--no more shooting lightning bolts across the room or sinus discomfort from dryness. I really appreciated Steve's honesty about the humidifier!

As you know, we moved this past Summer. I had the piano moved by professionals and waited a few weeks for the piano to get used to its new environment. And then, I am embarrassed to say, I kept putting off getting it tuned. I couldn't decide who to call as I had already used my two free tunings, and I didn't want to continue using Steve since he was based so far away. So finally last week, unable to ignore the tuning problem any longer, I finally called the local tuner I had been recommended years ago and whose name I would give my students' parents. Art was able to come this morning.

He got going with the tuning, but after a while, he started muttering under his breath and called me over. There was a piece, a wooden strip called a "let-off something-or-other" (okay, not his exact words, but I'm not a piano technician) that was cracked. He discovered it because he couldn't understand why some of the keys were bouncing weirdly. He told me in his 30 years of working on pianos, he's never encountered this before. Well, I'm so glad my piano can be the first! He tried gluing it, but about 20 minutes later, I heard some frustrated muttering again. It was broken clean in half and he would have to fix it at his studio.

Turns out, he knows Steve (I can't imagine the Chicagoland piano technician crowd is that extensive) and understood the piano would still be under warranty. But he is taking it upon himself to fix the problem, figuring it would take weeks if I went through Steve. He removed the entire action (pretty much everything the between the keys and the strings) and will fix it up there, and bring it back here. Name that quote!

I explained to him a little bit of my history with this piano. He seemed very frustrated on my behalf. He said Steve should have been able to adjust it, and there is nothing wrong with the way I played it! He said no change of weather should alter the instrument that much. He's found the problem and is confident he'll be able to fix it but apologized that it might not be ready till Monday or Tuesday. No problem with me; I'm glad it's finally getting fixed!

Before I got a chance to ask, he told me on his way out that I will not have to pay for this--he's sending the bill to Steve!

Friday Five: 12/18

2009-12-18T10:56:00.002-06:00

Morning Routine!

1. What time do you usually wake up on weekdays?

Anytime from 7:30-9:30, depending on what I have to do that day.

2. What about weekends?

Saturdays, usually between 8 and 10, again, depending on what I plan to accomplish. On Sundays, if I'm the organist that weekend, I get up between 6:30 and 6:45. Otherwise, it depends on which church service I have to be at!

3. What do you eat for breakfast?

Lately, usually cereal, sometimes a bagel. I really love egg and cheese on a bagel or toast, but I haven't done that in a while.

4. Do you take a shower at night or in the morning?

"Morning." But if the first thing I have to be out of the house for is afternoon piano lessons, sometimes it's in the afternoon.

5. How long does it take you to get ready?

Drawn-out morning with shower, then breakfast and reading blogs, and eventual make-up and hair-drying: up to a few hours. Usual morning with no time in between bathroomly tasks: about an hour. Early morning with shower: as short as 30 minutes, especially if I don't blow-dry. Early morning without shower: 15-20 minutes.

It takes sooooo much longer to get dressed with this giant bump. It's so awesome when my aim is good on the first try with undies and pants.

And now you are all extremely edified. You're welcome!

It Worked!

2009-11-24T18:40:00.002-06:00

Get back up off the floor. Yes, I know I'm blogging for the second time this month after two months off. It's okay!

Anyway, my problem from last week seems to have been resolved. For a few days, I really fretted because I hadn't heard back from the mom. Then, sometime over the weekend, I decided to stop expending emotional energy on the whole deal. By today, I figured she either didn't get the email or read it and didn't have a major problem with it. We've never had awkward situations like this before, and even though I would do many things differently than she does, I think we're both interested in keeping the peace. Despite the respect issue, she is pretty supportive in general.

Without any hard proof, it seems like the latter was the case: email read, no problem. Today, she had the complete stack of books. We had pleasant interactions, and things just felt like they were back on track with me in charge of what gets taught. It's hard to describe, but the feeling was palpable. Everything's going to be okay, and I don't think I have to worry about losing these students. There was even a rare appearance from the dad, who thanked me for everything I do. Well! Thank you!

So, I'm in a good mood now, and rather proud of myself for standing my ground. If I had stewed a few more days, I probably would have just dropped it and tried to move on in my inferior position. But this way is much better. :)

I am not your cleaning lady

2009-11-18T12:19:00.003-06:00

No matter what I do, it seems there will always be people out there who see their piano teacher as someone who simply performs a service. Most of my students' parents are pretty good and understanding: they know that in the absence of me, they themselves could not teach their kids how to play piano. But some just see me as the cleaning lady, someone who will do their dirty work for them and to whom they can issue instructions and expect things to be done their own way. I had an encounter this week, similar to one I've had in the past, which made me feel so disrespected that I just couldn't stand for it.

Unfortunately, this puts me on dangerous ground. As of last April, I had 18 students. I started this school year with 15. Two dropped out for volleyball season and haven't returned. Two more just dropped last week because of distance and schedule restraints. One dropped a few weeks ago inexplicably, though I suspect that she is overwhelmed by middle school, as many of my students seem to be. One stopped early in the school year because I wouldn't come to their house any more and the mom just couldn't handle driving ten minutes to my house. I picked up one new student. And I have another who is taking this month off because she made the cheerleading squad. Her mom, the best and most understanding of them all (and a school teacher to boot), promises she'll be back, and I believe her.

If you're keeping track, that leaves nine students at the moment, exactly half of the number from last Spring. So from a monetary perspective, I don't want to be in a tiff with the mom of two more students, one of whom is now in sixth grade and losing interest fast. My maternity leave could very well sound the death knell, and then I'll be down even more students.

But I have my integrity! And this mom, while very friendly, has consistently treated me like the hired help. Her daughter originally took piano lessons with my former roommate, who taught at a commercial music school during college. When this friend decided to stop teaching, I took on this girl as well as her younger brother as a beginner. A lot of time has passed, and I am clearly not a college student, but I think this mom still sees me as a student-type or brand new teacher. I question why she finds it worthwhile to pay me so much to have her kids in piano lessons when it doesn't seem valued at all. To this mom, things aren't worth doing if they're not SUPER FUN! or at least not too hard for the kids. I think "healthy challenge" isn't in her vocabulary. She's the type who seems to be to her kids a friend first and a life coach/mom second. Basically, she's a good example of who I don't want to be as a mom.

Each week with these kids is like a black hole of chaos in my teaching schedule. Even though the kids are 11 and 9, they never bring their own books to their lesson or make any effort to know what they have to practice. They are both so energetic and unfocused, it takes me forever just to get them to sit down and play their songs. And mom just goes ahead and does everything for them. And if they have a day off school, it's an automatic break from lessons. Because it's a day off! It's a time to go have FUN!

Enough background. Yesterday, these kids came for their first lessons back after two weeks off (because there's sooo much going on and it's just soooo hard to reschedule!), and the mom brought only a collection of Christmas books for them to work on. They each have a lesson book and a theory book as well as a third book from the same curriculum, which gives their lessons structure. At this time of year, Christmas songs are extra. But this mom unilaterally decided that what's fun about piano is playing Christmas songs and "with everything going on," she just wanted me to teach them how to play the Christmas songs they like. No discussion, just railroading, all while acting sickly sweet and friendly. She talked down to me and never let me finish a sentence. I was a bit surprised and highly insulted. She may have been able to tell, but I don't think she believed it mattered.

I could tell that no matter what I tried to say, she was going to refuse to even bring their lesson books to their next lesson. I fumed over this for the rest of the evening, and when I got home, I wrote this email:

Hi [Rude Lady],

I felt like we weren't communicating very well this evening, so I hope you don't mind if I clarify a few things over email. I'd like your thoughts as well, as I'm not sure if we're seeing eye-to-eye just yet.

I did feel a bit railroaded by your announcement that you would like [girl] and [boy] to work on Christmas songs only. With you leaving their other books at home, I felt I had no say in the matter, which makes me feel disregarded and disrespected as their teacher. I am all for them playing songs they enjoy, but I always prefer to start from a foundational approach. Their lesson books serve the purpose of teaching them to read music and play with more skill, which in turn makes the "fun" songs easier and more enjoyable.

One great thing about piano lessons is how flexible they can be compared to classes in school because of the one-on-one nature. I think you'll agree I've always been very flexible! But I really would have preferred discussing this matter ahead of time rather than having it thrust upon me at their first lesson in three weeks.

[Paragraph with details of each kid, conceding the girl's waning interest and my willingness to focus on one song at a time with her, and respectfully asking her to send the boy's books with him since he practices a lot and has a lot of interest.]

Bottom line: the structure of their lesson book curriculum make the fun songs more rewarding. I appreciate your efforts in working with me to make sure [girl] and [boy] get everything they can out of piano lessons. Let me know what you think or if there's something missing here that I hadn't considered.

Thanks,

Susan

Unfortunately, I've never actually exchanged emails with this woman, so I'm not sure if she'll get it. But talking on the phone just wasn't an option. The more I think about this, the more I realize that I don't care whether they quit or not. If not, I keep getting their money. If they do quit, my weekly headache is gone. I've never advertised, so if it comes to that, I can do it. I've bent as far backwards as I'm willing to go, so I'll just see where it goes from here.

Picture Unclear

2009-09-29T11:54:00.003-05:00

You know these puzzles, where everything's scrambled but you can only move one piece at a time until you get everything in order?

Yeah, that's what my life feels like right now. Most of the time it's a fun challenge, but other times I start to wonder whether I'm just doing the same five moves over and over again and whether I'll ever finish.

In many ways, Erich and I complement each other extremely well, but, as I know I've said before, one thing that doesn't work out so perfectly is both of our tendencies toward procrastination. We're currently finding ourselves in a situation where we have to get a huge list of things done in a relatively short amount of time, so we have to kick our organization up into high gear. If getting ready for a baby didn't involve the physical rigors of pregnancy, this might be a bit easier, but never let it be said that I won't take the bad with the good!

We moved in early June, when I was about eight weeks pregnant. Now, I know I would have been slow to unpack even at my most vivacious, because I really hate moving and packing up and moving was exhausting, and living in a new house is overwhelming. But the stress of the first trimester meant I was even more exhausted than usual, needing at least a nap every day and feeling like a zombie regardless. As the exhaustion of the move wore off, we started to get discouraged about how much there was to do with the house, and how our priorities had to change. For example, the A/C stopped working and we had to decide when to get that fixed. (Luckily, it looks like we can put that off till next year.) Then Erich went to do a "simple" (haha) re-grout job on our downstairs shower and discovered mold. That shower is now demolished and we're thinking we could/should just redo the whole bathroom since we also hate the wallpaper. Luckily the toilet, sink/vanity and lighting are all new and fine.

Meanwhile, outside of the bathroom drama, which has extended to our upstairs bathroom as well with re-caulking, leaks, and an ornery toilet, we absolutely have to get our baby's room ready. It's currently set up as a guest/junk room. Even though Lily will probably sleep in our room for a few weeks or months, we need to get her room ready before she's born. But I can't do her room before I have places for the stuff that's in there! And here enters the puzzle. This is what I've been doing and plan to continue doing:

Organize all basement clutter into laundry room (in progress, going well)
Empty second bedroom of all non-baby-related items and throw away, give away, or integrate into organized laundry/storage room (in progress)
Uninstall shelves from second bedroom closet, move or store elsewhere
Patch holes from shelves and paint closet interior
Purchase and install new closet organization system

While this is happening, Erich will be doing the following:

Select and purchase tile, shower pan, and fixtures for shower
Remove wallpaper, patch drywall where necessary
While we're at it, remove horrible wallpaper from upstairs entryway, prime and paint everything
Install durock, cement, etc. to studs for shower
Install tile and fixtures, replace floor and ancient light switch
DONE. Easy, right? (Riiiight.)

Back to the baby's room:

Paint
Move queen bed to basement as temporary guest quarters for live-in help with newborn
Magically come up with baby furniture, assemble and arrange
Purchase and install closet doors
Supply baby

Meanwhile, we also hope to replace the carpet in the living room/dining room, master and second bedrooms with a hardwood laminate. It seems to make the most sense to do this before baby's arrival.

Baby's due in three and a half months. Erich is remodeling a bathroom while balancing a full-time job and two grad school classes. I plug along as much as I can, but I'm already feeling encumbered by my rapidly increasing size. We may be crazy to try to get so much done, but our motivation level is very high. We can do it!

(And if anyone wants to help, you know, we'll gladly accept. We're not too proud for help, oh no indeed!)

Wedding Memories: The Aisle

2009-09-24T10:31:00.007-05:00

Seating of the grandmothers...

The mothers...

And the nearly 2-year-old unofficial flower girl, accompanied by daddy.

She did not relish this role and sought refuge with Mamalaine. Her momentary howls were heard in the back.

I still blame the scratchy dress and the confusion of the day.

Mom seated, the boys are ready!

Bring on the ladies!

Holding up well to the pressure of going first and solo.

Listening to the voice in her head telling her not to hold her flowers too high.

Walking down the aisle? Been there, done that.

Classy.

If there's ever a time in a wedding when I well up a little, it's when it's the bride's turn to walk down the aisle. My own wedding started out as no exception.

No really, I'll be okay. Spare the make-up!

Aw shucks, how can I be anything but thrilled? When I saw all the faces of 200 people I love smiling back at me, I was too happy to ruin my make-up. Besides, I had the best view:

Wedding Memories: Here Comes the Groom

2009-09-22T09:42:00.009-05:00

It has now been exactly two years since our wedding day. Between how long it feels and how short it feels, I suppose two years is just about right! We certainly have come a long way and been through a lot in two years. In just the last one, we had a Halloween party at our home, got pregnant again and had a miscarriage again, saved up money like crazy only to shed it all in the purchase of our first house, got pregnant a third time and now eagerly expect the arrival of our daughter in January, and went on many trips to visit family and see the world ourselves. All-in-all a bit easier year together than our first, and I can only expect each year will be better than the last!

It's also been over six months since my last "Wedding Memories" post, but I don't intend to give them up forever. So I'll just pick up right where I left off!

After I and my maids were done having our pictures taken in the church, it was time for us to disappear and make way for the men.

First and foremost, this handsome devil!

Brothers Andrew, Michael, Handsome Hubby, Paul and friend Lance. All the brothers look so different now!

Megan manned the guest book, while Donna and Phyllis (friends from the church office) prepared the informal reception for people coming to only the ceremony.

Before long, people started showing up for this:

My grandparents... and his.

As the top-notch brass quintet started to play...

It was time for me to emerge from my hidey-hole!

Land of Port: Columbia River Gorge, Part 3

2009-09-20T22:31:00.007-05:00

Welcome to my travel blog.

It's not really a travel blog, but that seems to be most of what I blog about these days! OH WELL. :)

What I thought might be one of the less exciting stops along the Historic Columbia River Highway ended up being one of the best and coolest. After waterfall country, we got to the Bonneville Dam.

Pretty impressive looking...

And Erich, the electrical engineer, was mildly interested in how it works.

But the dam itself really wasn't that exciting. However, the fish ladder, a system to aid the fish in their regular migratory patterns, was extremely cool. Sadly, I did not get a picture of the exterior. I know, what was I thinking?

I don't want to leave you hanging, so here's a picture I've taken from Wikipedia.org:

And HERE'S what's going on inside:

We stared at the fish for a while inside and outside, learned about the different types of salmon that come through, had a little snack, then continued on to the fish hatchery. I had never been to a fish hatchery before, and I was shocked and amazed at how fun and interesting it was! First we saw a video of how the actual process works, but there was nothing actually going on this time of year, so we continued to the different fish ponds.

This is Herman the Sturgeon. I think. I suspect there was also a back-up Herman in this pond who was almost as huge. Herman is about ten feet long! Big fish amaze me in a way that makes me feel like a small child.

Next we came upon the rainbow trout pond, which the signs made pretty clear were there just for fun since they don't actually hatch them there. We found 25¢ for a handful of fish food to be well worth it!

(This is so cliché, but I hate hearing my own voice. I wish I knew how to take out the sound.)

I'm glad we didn't see any egg fertilization or sorting or anything because this stuff was WAY cooler to see: the salmon are trying to return to their birth place to spawn! I really wish I could have taken a video, but my camera batteries were dying.

Some of them would leap over a foot out of the water right into those wooden planks! That was sometimes startling but always mesmerizing.

This was a bit further back. Though some fish would take the flying leap to get up to this level, many of them were forced back because there was such a backlog of fish trying to get past the final barriers. Hilariously splashtastic!

From the dam, we went to the town of Hood River. We stocked up on some provisions at Safeway and decided we had waited long enough for dinner. Our Central Daylight Time tummies were hungry for dinner early! Hood River has a lot of wineries and breweries, and the National Geographic guide suggested Full Sail, so we went in search of it. Unfortunately, our GPS failed us here: it seemed unaware of any Full Sail brewery in Hood River. Weird. We went looking blindly and nearly gave up when there it appeared in all its glory! The pub portion of the brewery had a stunning view of the Columbia River, which nearly rivaled the gastronomic experience upon which we were about to embark!

I haven't missed beer too much during my pregnancy, for which I am very thankful. But in this instance, I really wanted to be allowed to order a pint. Though I don't get uptight about taking tastes, I won't actually have an entire drink, so I begrudgingly ordered a Diet Coke (a little caffeine, a little aspartame--well, no one's perfect). Erich ordered the pale ale, described as a "godlike nectar" on the menu, and I chuckled at this. Then I tasted this pale ale and found the description to be quite accurate. YUM.

When our food finally came, we had our second amazingly delicious and fully satisfying meal of the day. I ordered the fish and chips: Alaskan halibut, session lager-battered. The word "amazing" gets overused far too often these days, but it's so appropriate for this meal. I might also throw out the word "foodgasm." I even really liked the cole slaw, and I'm not a big cole slaw eater. Erich enjoyed his burger and his second beer, and I gladly took the keys and booked it out of Hood River to make it to Mt. Hood. We knew it would be nearly dark by the time we got there, but we couldn't get that close to the mountain and not actually see it. It was indeed nearly dark, so we didn't get out of the car or take pictures. But we've now seen Mt. Hood!

We completed the rest of the loop in the dark and got to our hotel nice and late, completely wiped out from our long and adventurous day. Yay, Portland!

P.S.: I loved the flowers at the hatchery:

Land of Port: Columbia River Gorge, Part 2

2009-09-18T20:30:00.010-05:00

Have I iterated enough just how much we loved our trip to Portland? It made a wonderful early second anniversary celebration/babymoon, and it would not have been possible were it not for free Southwest flights from Erich, free Mariott points from my dad, and childlessness. Or my cousin Dennis, without whose wedding we would not have had the impetus to go at all!

After our stop at Crown Point on Friday, we continued along the Historic Columbia River Highway through twists and turns past giant trees, dramatic rock walls, and gorgeous (get it?) vistas of the river. Eventually, we came upon a waterfall, so we stopped and got out of the car. I should have taken a picture of the sign because I can't remember this waterfall's name. [ETA: Erich figured it out! It's Wahkeena Falls.]

It's a tree stump!

This plant was all over the Portland area. Any amateur botanists know what it is?

Tree had precedence.

The next place to stop on the road was the granddaddy of the Columbia waterfalls, Multnomah Falls:

All fresh and airplane-y!

View from the bridge.

Lower falls, from above.

Lost shoes!

Silly

2009-09-18T17:49:00.003-05:00

Erich just got home from work.

Me: I kind of feel like taking a walk.

Erich: I kind of do too! All in favor say "aye."

Pause as we each look at each other, waiting for the inevitable punchline.

Both in unison: YOU!

Seriously, we crack ourselves up.

Friday Five: 9/18

2009-09-18T11:41:00.002-05:00

Fantastic! A sensitive-topic-for-me Friday Five on a day when I'm already feeling down in the dumps. What fun!

1. If there was one thing about your body you could change, what would it be?

I have to pick one? Okay, I wish my body were more fit.

2. Would you rather lose 10lbs or 10 points off your IQ?

Um, duh. Who would pick to lower their IQ? Unless they were truly worried about being underweight, which is a pretty fictional idea to me. Anyway, I would rather lose 10 pounds... or 40.

3. When you look in the mirror, are you happy with what you see?

Sometimes. It usually depends on if it's a full-length mirror or not.

4. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Yes. I'm currently going back to my roots.

5. How often do you weigh yourself?

Now that I'm pregnant and outweigh my husband, never. I allow myself to be weighed at the OB's office. In the past, it was far too often, up to 2-3 times a day. Hopefully in my postpartum life I can find balance and go to once a week or so.

Land of Port: Columbia River Gorge, Part 1

2009-09-17T10:36:00.006-05:00

Friday morning before Labor Day, Erich and I arose at the ungodly hour of 5:30am to catch our 8:00 flight out of Chicago to Portland, OR. Yes, I'm aware I will have to be up all the time during the night and early morning in just a few months. No need to remind me!

Anyway, because Erich had been up late doing homework, we didn't get a lot of sleep and I worried we wouldn't have a very good day as a result. After a four-hour flight, we landed in Portland and had our rental car by 11am. My desire for a nap soon faded as I took a look at my surroundings. The huge trees and mountainous landscape captivated me, a first-time visitor to the Pacific Northwest.

With nothing much else to do, we embarked upon a scenic drive of the Columbia River Gorge as prescribed by National Geographic Traveler. We stopped first in the town of Troutdale, just outside of Portland, where I, sadly, did not take any pictures. We had lunch at the General Store, a cute little shop with a lunch counter; we sat outside. My lunch was AMAZING! Happiness is a delicious meal eaten outdoors, and this experience definitely qualified. I had salmon chowder (fresh and delicious!) and a salad (freshest of fresh greens, juicy-sweet tomatoes and raw mushrooms; so, so good).

After lunch, it was back on the road to Crown Point, a GORGEous (get it? get it?) and crowded overlook. Crown Point features Vista House, built in 1918:

And for the real scenery:

I was really starting to think I wouldn't mind living in or near Portland. But then I was reminded of the downside to the area when I saw this car:

This guy wanted Hillary AND Obama for president. Ew.

Wegan Wanderings: Crop Dusting

2009-09-15T11:21:00.002-05:00

Before Erich and I left for home after our weekend in Wegan, the family heard a loud noise that took us out to the front porch.

Can you see it? Don't worry, it's coming closer.

Panning left; it's making its way back around.

It's a crop-dusting plane! Making its way right over the church.

Funny Email Fwd

2009-09-14T16:57:00.003-05:00

I know email forwards aren't particularly original or interesting blog material, but I really like this one. And it's my blog and I can do what I want.

This one is a little different... Two Different Versions! Two Different Morals!

OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well-fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well-fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.

Wegan Wanderings: Obey the Signs

2009-09-12T14:38:00.006-05:00

I really want to get to blogging about our recent trip to Portland, but I simply must finish Wegan first.

After we drove through Starve Hollow, we continued on to Seymour, hometown of John Mellencamp, and the largest town in the area. Andrew goes to the Lutheran high school in Seymour, and it's the home of the Walmart, so we went to do a little shopping. All loaded into the family van, FIL drove us past Andrew's school then decided to find an alternate way home through areas they hadn't discovered yet. I always love an adventure full of discovery, so I was all for this plan.

Unfortunately, Jackson county had experienced record rainfall and flooding the week before, so this tampered with the plan. We were northeast and needed to be southwest, and we went westward from the school. We could never get more than a block south before encountering a "Road Closed" sign. Hoping to pass the flood zone, FIL continued west.

As the minutes ticked past and the younger brothers got more and more disgruntled, FIL turned around and headed back east, hoping to take the first available street south in an effort to get back into Seymour and main roads. Each one was closed. Finally, getting fed up, he drove around a sign to try our luck at the puddles. The first attempt took us through manageable puddles until we got to one that looked far too deep. So we gave up and went back north.

The adventure was starting to get a little too long for ALL of our tastes.

We came upon another road with a car coming northward past a Road Closed sign. If he made it through, so might we! We drove over a few puddles: no problem. When we came upon one of indeterminate depth, FIL got out to test the depth. We had come too far to give up now! The water went just above his feet, so he drove through. The van made quite the wake, and we all held our breath, hoping we wouldn't stall out in the middle of the puddle. Oh, did I mention we were almost out of gas?

Success! That is, until we came to the big mama of all puddles. FIL got out to test again, and I finally did the smart thing and pulled out my camera:

Hmm. Almost knee-deep and not quite at the halfway point. No thanks!

We eventually ended up exactly where we started and took the highway bridge over the river and the flooding and took the main route back home. So much for the adventure. But we did get to see a lot of Jackson County farmland, complete with flooding and ruined soybean crops! It became an extremely hilarious joke after a while to point out where the water level had been on the corn. Heh heh.

When the parents came up a few weeks ago to drop Michael off at college, FIL informed us that he had eventually learned that even if we had gotten past all the huge puddles, we would have had to have turned around anyway, since there's only one way over the river: the highway bridge we did indeed end up taking.

What should have been a 30 minute drive took closer to three hours. I was hungry for food and the van was in need of gas, so it was hard to laugh about it at the time. But within a few hours and days we could well appreciate the humor.

Wegan Wanderings: Starve Hollow

2009-09-01T11:26:00.005-05:00

A few weeks ago, Erich and I finally had a chance to travel down to Jackson County, Indiana, where his father has been installed as pastor of a small congregation. It was a beautiful weekend in a beautiful area. We drove up to a state park, Starve Hollow, which affords gorgeous views of the surrounding areas.

Somewhere around here is Wegan, which is basically a spot on the map with a church and a parsonage--the in-laws' new abode.

And here we are standing in front of it. Erich looks great as always, and it's a good face picture for me. But I was 17 weeks pregnant at the time, which makes me look just generically big in my frontal region. Awkward!

Brothers! It's so fun to walk behind the three of them walking in a line. They have the same walk! Brothers are funny like that.

MIL and FIL. I don't think I've ever seen them as happy as they have been in this new location. Can you blame them?

As we were standing around, Erich liked something about the way the wind was blowing my unkempt hair, so he wanted to do a little photo shoot:

I'll have to work on my modeling skills... or NOT.

As we drove through the park, this was the typical view off the side of the road. Unfortunately, it was difficult to capture just how steep it really is.

This is a view of Brownstown, the nearest town that's slightly more than a smudge on the map.

And here's a bird.

Duck Parade

2009-08-28T17:50:00.006-05:00

Every day around five o'clock, a bunch of ducks walk from the lake across the street to the creek behind our house.

They're totally looking both ways before crossing:

Waddle, waddle.

Oh no! A car's coming!

(I apologize for my ungraceful cinematography.)

The rest of them trek onwards.

This was about a week ago. We've had a lot of rain since then, so the lawn has gotten pretty long. I noticed today that the grass is flattened on the ducks' route! Ducks are cute. They're waaaayyyy better to have around than those honking Canada geese. Oh, how I loathe you, Canada geese.

Friday Five: 8/21

2009-08-21T09:37:00.002-05:00

1. What time of the day is your favorite, and why?

Early morning, when everything is nice and peaceful. I rarely experience this, however, usually opting for more sleep.

2. What's the best time to take a walk, and where to?

Mid-evening around 7pm. Lately I've been walking to a nearby park with a playground set among some trees. I can make a nice loop along some trails through wooded areas. Walks like this remind me of why we moved to this neighborhood.

3. When can you work best?

Nighttime. I'm a total night owl. I was up painting last night till after 10pm. (Don't worry, I was doing the ceiling with a roller, the windows were open, a fan was running, and it was nice and breezy.)

4. What to do on sunny mornings and stormy evenings?

Sunny mornings: sit out on the deck with a nice book or magazine. Stormy evenings: cook a warm meal then curl up on the couch.

5. When you look outside right now, what do you see?

All I have to do is look above my computer screen to see the tall trees that line the creek behind our house. Sometimes I see cardinals, blue jays and yellow finches giving me avian primary color lessons. Unfortunately, this view is occluded by our terrible windows, which we hope to replace next year.

Vacation 2009: Day 4, Part 2

2009-08-19T16:23:00.006-05:00

After we exhausted the available activities and exhibitions at Fort Michilimackinac, we crossed the bridge again back to the UP. We stopped in St. Ignace to stroll along the boardwalk, do a little window- and fudge-shopping, and have a dinner of delicious pizza.

One great thing about the UP is you can go in to a pizza place, slightly below the dining experience level of a Pizza Hut (but much more delicious), and sit on the patio, which happens to have a very pleasant view of Lake Huron:

After dinner, we began the long drive back to Manistique, stopping at a beach off the side of the road for some after-dinner frolicking.

She does NOT do sand.

Baseball!

The sun started to set.

I could've sworn I was sucking in!

That's better. :)

After at least an hour of driving, we got home close to 10pm. And this is what the sky looked like:

And this concludes my series on Vacation 2009. Friday was a very low-key day and very windy and dreary, so I took zero pictures. But it's nice to end on pretty sunset pictures, right?

Vacation 2009: Day 4, Part 1

2009-08-19T11:41:00.006-05:00

Thursday took us over the Mackinac Bridge to the Lower Peninsula! Destination: Colonial Fort Michilimackinac.

First, we saw a cannon demonstration.

There were lots of activities and things to see at the fort. The pristine weather and beautiful setting made for a fun day!

As you can see, we didn't get far into the LP at all.

There was an Odawa tribesman there, and he was very taken with Lexi and her Cherokee heritage.

Here are some random photos that I like:

Archeologists are still finding artifacts every day.

A/C Rant

2009-08-17T17:02:00.003-05:00

As you all know, we moved this summer. And as you also probably know, it's been a very mild summer. When we moved, the high temperatures did not get above the low 70s, and we were glad for that. Then, in late June, the temperatures soared to the low 90s, and it was finally time to run the air conditioner. Erich had replaced the thermostat and programmed it. We flipped it to "Run" and the system whooshed on.

And it kept running and running, but it never got any cooler. That's when we knew there was a problem.

Since the seller (let's call him Mr. C for "curmudgeon") had certified in a signed document that the air conditioner was working during the last cooling season "to the best of his knowledge," we figured we could cash in on the home warranty from Home Warranty of America that came with the house. Incidentally, the garage door opener which had been working suddenly stopped working. Erich identified the problem as a stripped gear, undoubtedly owing to the advanced age of the mechanism. We had HWA contract people to fix the a/c and the garage door opener.

The HVAC guy they sent was a bit of a drama queen. He opened up the unit in our backyard and immediately asked me if we got a home inspector. Of course, yes. And did he tell us the a/c worked? Since I didn't remember him saying that it didn't work, I said yes. With a sigh, he declared, "It doesn't work. The freon is empty, which means there must be a leak." FRICK. He refilled the freon but wasn't authorized to do a leak check, so he couldn't guarantee how long the refill would last. I was at least temporarily satisfied because our house was finally being cooled. We also had the garage door fixed (for a $100 deductible) and it is still working fine.

About three weeks later, we came home from vacation and found that the air conditioner was not working. The HVAC Drama Queen had warned me that HWA probably wouldn't cover any repairs since the a/c never did work for us--it would be considered preexisting, and therefore not covered. So rather than contact HWA again, we went to our realtor. Understandably, she did not make this problem a high priority, so almost a week later, she talked to a rep at HWA. This rep told her that Mr. C's signed document claiming the a/c worked should be proof enough that this was not a preexisting problem.

HWA sent the same HVAC guy out again, who was authorized to do a leak check ONLY. He found the leak, but not before walking past me a few times saying, "Oh, this is going to be bad news for you guys!" Thanks, love the attitude. He informed me that it would cost us approximately $1800 to fix the leak and bring the whole system to updated efficiency standards. And he couldn't even refill the freon to give a poor pregnant lady a break without charging me a bunch of money. I sent him on his way.

We whined again to our realtor, who contacted HWA again and talked to the higher ups who claimed to have gone "to the top." They informed her that the broken air conditioner was a preexisting problem, and no signed documents would change their position on that, which contradicted what our realtor had previously been told. Any repairs would be completely out of our pockets. They also ever-so-kindly mentioned that they shouldn't have even covered the repair of the garage door opener since it was caused by rust damage, which is also preexisting. (Uh, no that was a stripped gear, you dingbat.)

Hearing this made me pretty much lose it. That's when it became utterly clear, and please pay close attention:

Home Warranty of America is a complete racket and a waste of money.

I strongly urge anyone who's reading this and selling their home to stay as far away from the home warranty racket as you can. It is worthless and the people are extremely rude. Why should they be polite or attempt to keep anyone satisfied when they already have their money? What good did it do them to inform us they shouldn't have covered a $200 repair that we still had to pay $100 for? If I had known they saw that as charity, we would have canceled the warranty right then and gotten a brand new garage door opener for about as much as it cost to repair it.

You may be asking the question, "What about the inspector? Why didn't he find this problem?" And you are right to ask that. We have come to find out that because it was 60 degrees out when we had the home inspected, the inspector couldn't test the a/c because it was below 65 and to test it could have damage the compressor. Thanks to the bleeping time of year we bought our house, we couldn't have known the a/c didn't work and couldn't have demanded Mr. C fix it before closing.

Our last hope was to send an inquiry to the attorneys, to see if we had any right to demand anything from Mr. C for his busted air conditioner. That query sat in their offices for three weeks until today when they finally informed Erich that we would have to start a lawsuit to get any money out of anyone. This does not surprise me, but it sucks nonetheless.

This topic is so infuriating and upsetting, I'd better wrap it up before I become little more than a damp, quivering mass on the floor. I decided today that I really, really cannot take this heat and humidity and wait for fall. It could very well stay this hot through October, and I'm not becoming any less of a human furnace. So, with a baby on the way and numerous other plans for our stretched budget, we have to bite the bullet and get a new air conditioner (and completely replace a shower, but that's another story).

Renters, count your blessings. And everyone: never forget,

HOME WARRANTY OF AMERICA IS A BAD COMPANY AND A WASTE OF MONEY.

The Real New Keller

2009-08-17T10:20:00.005-05:00

I've been a Keller for nearly two years now, so I happily give up the title to the newest member of the family:

Lily Anne, our Lily flower, happily growing in the Lily Pad, should make her appearance around mid-January 2010. I'd say I can't wait, but at this point I suppose I can: There's a lot to do between now and then!

Vacation 2009: Day 3

2009-08-13T22:24:00.007-05:00

Don't worry: we were all way more excited than Emily was in this picture to be at Seul Choix Pointe. Actually, she was okay with being the lighthouse, but I guess she doesn't really see herself as a sea captain.

On Wednesday, we headed to Seul Choix. In French, that's pronounced "sull shwah," but the Yoopers (people from the UP) pronounce it "sih-shwah." As I almost got a minor in French in college, I decided to pronounce it the French way and just drop the L-sound. Compromise.

Wednesday's weather was extremely refreshing after Monday and Tuesday's chills. Mid-70s and bright, sunny skies. A perfect day to go up in a lighthouse!

Here we are! The whole Keller Klan.

Another view of the building. It's been beautifully restored in the last 20 years. The house is really nice and fancy on the inside, which is rare for lighthouses. That's as expert as I'm going to pretend to be. My MIL is the true lighthouse expert!

The stairs that made my knees hurt "from here to here."

We're in the top of the lighthouse here.

See?

After touring the lighthouse, we walked along the rocky lakeshore. Of the entire vacation, there were several highlights, but I think this walk was my favorite.

I mean, for starters, look how clear and still and beautiful this water is! Just look!

Gorgeous!

And these are my feet in the water! You can't even tell except for the line around my ankles!

That water was SOOOO COLD but absolutely lovely and delightful.

Brother Rock. This was the first Keller UP trip in a long time that someone didn't have to pretend to put his arm around the brother who couldn't be there.

(I got this shot by hanging the camera from my neck and pressing the button. Otherwise I would have had to lay, stomach-down, on the the gravel.)

"Rock-jumping," a Keller-boy favorite activity.

King of the World!

Lexi the mermaid. With legs.

I learned something about Michael that week. That boy sure loves to wear sweatshirts in all but the hottest weather! I think that's what happens when you're roughly the width of a telephone pole, with no fat to keep you warm on a 78-degree day.

There was a toad on the picnic table!

The Pipe Organ

2009-08-12T21:43:00.004-05:00

I just watched this video and immediately had to put it up here on the ol' blog. You should watch it too!

Kevin Hildebrand and Paul Grime do a fantastic job of highlighting all the reasons why the pipe organ truly is the king of instruments. I think it's sad when people view the organ as something old-fashioned or hokey. It really is the best instrument to lead congregational song and, depending on the instrument and the organist, is quite beautiful to listen to.

I love the piano, but I'd take the organ over piano in church any day!

Vacation 2009: Day 2, Part 2

2009-08-11T19:50:00.008-05:00

After the first part of our day at Tahquamenon Falls, we trekked across the peninsula, stopping briefly to pick up some delicious smoked fish for dinner, and arrived at my favorite place: Kitchitikipi. Or, depending on what sign you read, Kitch-iti-kipi. Or Kitchi-ti-kipi.

But what IS this remarkable place? you may ask. Well, it's a big spring. It's about 40-feet deep and clear as glass. And it's really, really awesome. We got there late in the day, which was a cool time to see the trees' reflections on the water. I can't do it justice with any more words, so I'll just post a small sampling of the approximately 43,000 photos I took.

This is from the raft on the spring. It feeds into this river. The raft moves along a cable, propelled by a big, kid-friendly wheel.

The view straight down.

Unshaven Uncle Erich being daddy-ish with Emily, looking down into the spring.

This is where the water bubbles up.

And THIS is the spring in action. What's that sound in the background? That's Emily providing narration for what she saw, which was this:

It's a lot more fun than it looks.

All the BILs, and a glimpse of FIL, looking at this:

That's the best picture I could get of the gigantic trout swimming around. I hear there are usually a lot more (maybe earlier in the day?), but we just saw a handful.

I liked the way the light came through the trees.

Back at the house, this was a typical evening activity. Without TV or radio, the Cubs fans were reduced to "watching" the games via phone updates. At least Erich got good enough cell service up there for MLB Gameday!

This was Emily's favorite activity. She says "Boo!"; everyone else acts startled. In this particular game, the little princess learned how little she has to do to captivate an entire room of big people. Who needs TV when you have a toddler?

Vacation 2009: Day 2, Part 1

2009-08-03T09:53:00.006-05:00

Vacation day two was almost as cold as day one, but it was much more action-packed.

Our first stop was a logging museum that, frankly, I could have gone my whole life without seeing and been happy. But I suppose we stopped by because it was on our way to Tahquamenon Falls, the main event.

One fun thing about the logging museum was our tour guide. This kid was about 13 (going into high school, but he looked like a shrimpy freshman), his wavy hair was slicked down with a razor-straight side part, and his clothing seemed stuck in time. Slim-fitting jeans that were a few inches off the top of his shoes, flannel shirt, etc. Basically, some wrinkles would have made him a shrunken 90-year-old. I found him mildly amusing, especially when he complained about knee pain. He said he had gone up in a light house the day before and now his knees were killing him from "here to here." I didn't see at first that he was actually pointing to spots just above his knees and just below his hips. His quadraceps, you see. Here I was thinking, "This poor little-old-man kid has bad knees!" But it was actually just sore muscles.

(This became a catch-phrase for the week, especially since on Day 3, we did actually climb up to the top of a light house, and my "knees hurt from here to here" for the better part of two days afterward.)

We bid "smell ya later" to the logging museum (Okay, it was mildly interesting, but the tour lasted way too long. There's only so much I want to know about the history of logging in the UP.) and continued on our way to Tahquamenon Falls. We were closer to the Lake Superior shore up there and it was very cold.

Erich bought a sweatshirt and a hat for the wintertime, which I wore on this cool July day. I refused, however, to wear closed-toe shoes. It's July, darnit!

After a scrumptious lunch at the park's on-site brew pub, we headed off to the Upper Falls. I managed to get some good pictures before my camera batteries died:

Then we drove down to the Lower Falls, and I retrieved some fresh batteries from the car.

Mom, Andrew, Lexi

Michael (coming soon to a Concordia near us!) holding our goddaughter Emily. This is my favorite portrait-type photo I took.

Squirrel!

Later in the day we went to Kitchitikipi, but that will have to wait for another post. :)

Pet Peeve

2009-08-02T23:40:00.002-05:00

This may seem a bit insensitive, but I hate it when people say "I covet your prayers." Insensitive because someone usually "covets" prayers at a difficult time in their life, and I would not nitpick with someone who directly told me they covet my prayers.

That being said, that's not really what "covet" means. Coveting goes beyond simple want or desire. To covet is to want something enviously that's not yours and you can't have. I covet the mansion down the street. I covet my neighbor's newer car. Covetousness, when followed to its logical conclusion, leads to hatred and theft.

If I'm going through a difficult time in my life, I don't "covet" someone else's prayers to the point that I would cheat and steal from them to get some prayers. It just doesn't follow.

Using the word "covet" just seems to be a way to use a biblical-type word (heck, depending on how you number the ten commandments, coveting is forbidden in two of them!) and sound "godly." But it usually just makes a person sound like they don't know what it really means. (And, it turns out, people agree that using big words when smaller ones will do usually just makes the person sound stupider. I would second that for using Bible words when regular ones will do.)

Also, "covenant" as a verb. What's the deal with that? Hypothetical example: "I covenanted my friend that I would pay her back the $10 I borrowed." Silly!