Next Up: Garbage Bags

I was recently blessed with the beginning of a slight glimmer of a tentative hope that I could start to be satisfied with my bodily shape and size. Not ideal by a long shot, but sustainable and improved from previous months.

Nothing can snuff out that tiny flame more effectively than trying on new clothes, specifically pants. Sure, I went to only one store where I've never had much luck in the past, but that didn't keep me from being disappointed. It seems like whenever I find clothes that fit, I get them because they technically fit and not because they look particularly good on me. But that is the exception: I can never, ever find good pants that fit.

And I'm pretty sure I never will. Whining to Erich, I told him I would just start wearing paper bags. He suggested plastic as it would help me sweat more. I concur; garbage bags it is. Slimming black. He also offered heavy-duty shrink wrap. As IF. I would not wear heavy-duty shrink wrap instead of pants. It would be my shapewear, for sure. I have such a helpful husband to help me figure out my wardrobe woes.

But seriously, I need help. I have so very many clothes of the following categories: warm weather, cold weather, in-between. Of each of those, there's pre-pregnancy (skinny and fat, but mostly fat), maternity, and postpartum.

I'm happy to say postpartum clothes are now too big. I'm still wearing the tops, but they're increasingly tent-like. Maternity is RIGHT OUT. I was still wearing some of my dress pants, but the last time I wore them, they looked ridiculous, so all maternity clothes are officially done. (I have a ten-month-old. I guess it's good I'm not wearing maternity clothes anymore, right?)

So that leaves pre-pregnancy. And since I hadn't worn any of those clothes for about a year and a half, I don't even remember what I have. And from what I've found, it's unpredictable as to what will fit. Most of it doesn't since everything just fits differently now.

I guess I need a completely new wardrobe, but I lack two things: time and money. Oh, and ambition. Plus, I have that feeling that once I finally figure out how to dress my body AND I have some decent clothes that fit, I'm going to find myself pregnant again and have to start all over. 

Makes the garbage bag option seem more and more viable. I wish saris and muumuus were more socially acceptable. Never mind; I'd still probably have to shop for them.

Addenda

1. I left one item off the nickname list: Chica Girl. Also, Erich prefers the spelling "Lilo-zeen," à la Strong Bad.

2. Tonight, we are not Cheap and Boring. We went to a Japanese steakhouse, didn't worry about prices, ate till we were only semi-uncomfortably full, had good beer, sashimi and maki, hibachi, and generally had a very nice time. And Lily even ate salad, stir-fried veggies and rice! Then Erich made a Meijer run and got Lily a Halloween costume on clearance. Yay!

3. I have to step it up for NaBloPoMo, as I'm not going to get this posted before midnight. I'm going to cheat so it looks like I did, though, and I won't feel bad about it NEETHER. (The beer was good, remember.)

4. Sleep is much better during the day now, but Lilla-Miss Teeny Tiny Loysel Toysel Chica Girl takes FOREVER to go to bed for the night. I don't like letting her cry, but I'd read/listen to any wisdom or advice anyone can offer on that one.

5. Just saw a commercial for an SNL special. WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO CHERI OTERI'S FACE??????

It was horrifying. ...Happy Halloween?

Cheap and Boring

I didn't go to my high school prom. I wasn't asked by anyone (not even an uggo! how pathetic!), and I didn't see the point in spending a ton of money to try to go with a girlfriend or something. I still don't regret this.

***

Erich and I still have done nothing to celebrate our third anniversary, which was over a month ago. We meant to do something special, but we just never got around to it. C'est la vie!

***

It would be really difficult for us to spend any less money on clothing than we already do. Even though almost nothing fits, I would rather keep washing what does fit than go shopping and spend money (two loathsome activities).

***

We have no plans for Halloween. Therefore, and quite naturally, given the above, I couldn't bring myself to buy a costume for Lily. It just seems like so much to spend for a near-non-event. However, cuteness will be missed. It is her first Halloween and all. But it may be moot by now anyway: there's only two more shopping days till the day, and I'm sure there are no good costumes left.

And that is how I succeed so well at being cheap and boring: I just drag my heels, not wanting to spend money, until it's too late to do so anyway.

The end.

Mother of the Year: Sticker

I won't be surprised if this becomes a series. All the reasons I totally deserve the "Mother of the Year" award... NOT.

This past Thursday, Lily enjoyed some avocado. I mean, she really enjoyed it, eating up to a quarter of it, feeding herself with a spoon and all. Yay!

On Friday, Lily and I went to Kohl's to use a coupon. I got a few tops for myself and then went to the baby department to get some new sleepers. Our little porker is busting through her 12-month size sleepers already! I also thought it would be good to stock up on socks before the weather turns cold. I selected a package and handed it to my curious little baby in the stroller. No harm, right?

Five or ten minutes later, she starts coughing. It sounded like she just swallowed her drool wrong. But she gasped a few times, so I checked her mouth. Nothing. I picked her up so she could recover and she quickly returned to normal. The situation was slightly alarming for about 15 seconds, but I didn't think a whole lot of it after it passed.

Sunday night, she had a poop that made me determined that we need a diaper sprayer. Evidence of avocado is all I will say.

Monday, Erich left town for one night. Lily caught up on sleep from a weird weekend, which was great, but she was in worse and worse moods when she was awake. I started wracking my brains trying to figure out what I ate that was so offensive because it really seemed like she had the "dairy crazies." Sure, I had a little bit here and there, but I thought it was acceptable levels. She was way too crazy for acceptable levels of dairy.

Yesterday, I gave her some sweet potato, but she wasn't at all interested in eating. It was our first real miss in the solid foods department. I thought it was weird, but she wasn't sleeping well at all and so that could have been the culprit. Erich came home and validated me: the baby was crazy, and gassy.

This morning, another poop. Horror. I wiped with another diaper and took them to the toilet to swish, whereupon I discovered something unmistakably inorganic. I unfurled the little circle and could just make out some words:

cushion

foot

.

..

...

Oh dear. Shame. Head is hanging. Mother of the Year. Those socks, five days ago, had a sticker on them. A removable, eatable sticker. That's what she gagged on. That's what gave her the "dairy crazies." And I was the one who handed it to her.

In conclusion, I'm going to buy a diaper sprayer today.

Oh, and there was a mouse in our kitchen. But that's another story!

Unfashionable Frugality

I've been thinking a lot about saving money, especially in light of cloth diapering, and all the fun ways to do it. Repurposing items around the house can be fun. We're planting a vegetable garden this year--fun and we get to eat the harvest! I'm even considering baking bread.

There are many other ways of saving money that are harder to brag about. (And really, one should never be boastful about these things anyway, but if it's about sharing fun, what's the harm in that?) Like our dented, uncomfortable old Buick that's hard to move the car seat in and out of. It is by no means a "sweet ride," but it's paid off, it runs, and it saves us money. Same goes for the old manual transmission Ford Focus. It has relatively good gas mileage, gets us from Point A to Point B and, most importantly, it's paid off. The imaginary van I'm drooling over will have to wait for another year because we don't yet NEED another car, and we can get by on what we have, Joneses be darned.

Take also the stroller. I paid nothing for this stroller. My mom scored it at a garage sale and didn't ask me to pay her back. It also came with an infant carrier and two car bases for said carrier. We got a new car seat/carrier (actually a gift) for safety reasons, but it fits with this stroller. But they don't match! The stroller is scratched and dirty! And they don't match! The print is not completely to my taste!

But: Who cares? It works and it was free. We did not have to buy an expensive stroller so that I could push my baby around.

I read this post shared on my Google Reader yesterday. It is so very true. I don't have to listen to or worry about the people who would judge me for driving around an unattractive old car or pushing around an unattractive old stroller. The thing is, I don't hear anyone passing judgments. They might do so silently and I really can't care about that. What's harder to ignore is that voice in my head that says I'm not quite good enough if I don't have nice, clean, new gear. Is that because I might unfairly judge someone else in my exact situation? Or perhaps I'm too harsh on myself. It's not others who can't let go and for whom I'll never be good enough, it's me.

What I would add to The Simple Dollar is that it isn't You against The World. You don't need to imagine that everyone is judging you for driving a beater, for living in a tiny apartment, for not eating out on a regular basis. And you surely do not need to make excuses to them--or yourself!--for making wise decisions with your money. The end!

I resolve to do the same. My infant carrier and stroller do not match. No excuses necessary.