And the winner is...

Schott's Miscellany 2009 Page-a-Day Calendar.

I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday to get myself a desk calendar. This was the first year in MANY years that I didn't get one for Christmas. As soon as I tore off December 31 from 2008's Office Quotes calendar, I missed being able to glance up and read something kind of useless but entertaining, while also being able to see today's date. It's a very valuable product.

And January 5 is a great time to get a calendar. Duh! It was 50% off! I'm pleased with my purchase, bloggees. Just thought you'd like to know.

Another item I bought, because B&N emailed me a 40% off coupon, was this book by Paul McKenna: I Can Make You Thin.

The title is dumb. The man himself is very self-help-guru-ish. He's good at pumping his fists and getting TV audiences to cheer. I know this because I watched all the episodes of his show by the same name that aired on TLC in the spring of last year. And ordinarily, these things turn me off. I resist the influence of people like Oprah. I get it, but I don't want to be a part of it.

On the other hand, I've tried many ways to lose weight over the years, mainly by scolding myself. I did Weight Watchers a few years ago and promptly lost 19 pounds over a few months, but then I gained back about five pounds, which I maintained until my wedding almost a year later. My weight has gone up ever since, certainly helped along by marital bliss and the depression of two miscarriages. Since my first success on WW, I tried it again twice and failed miserably both times. WW claims not to be a diet, but it is. It works for a lot of people, but like all diets, if you don't stay on it forever, you will regain the weight you lost.

WW also never really helped my relationship with food. I love it and I hate it. I eat because I'm happy, I eat because I'm sad, and very often, I eat because I'm bored. My main goal now is to eat because I'm hungry--and ONLY when I'm hungry. It's not an issue of willpower, it's behavior modification. WW=willpower and work; Paul McKenna=behavior modification. It's understanding some basic truths about how the brain works, reinforcing it with a little hypnosis, and improving your lifelong relationship with food. I need to do that and I'm ready now.

I hid my scale last night. I weigh myself far too often. I resolve to stop watching the numbers fluctuate day to day and pay more attention to everything in my life. Food is only a small part of that. I want to feel better, look better, and have more energy. Diets only make me obsess about food, and I'm ready to stop.

I'll let you know how I'm doing in a few weeks. I'm fairly confident I'll have good news to report. It feels weird to put this on my blog--it's making me accountable! But I didn't tell the internet about the last time I went on WW. I probably knew I would fail. I hope I succeed this time. Wish me luck!